Perette's Journal: 2000

1. Less code is better code (sometimes)

2000-02-23 14:42 journal

I am at work, and I have just checked in a change which reduces code size for one file by 750 lines. I like it.

2. Pathologically striving for perfection?

2000-05-07 23:54 journal

This weekend was very warm. I tried to take the opportunity to work on the hardwood refinishing project. However, coming out of the weekend I am mulling over my decisions regarding all projects and coming to some interesting conclusions.

My desire for perfection is obsessive. I put it before everything else, including my own happiness. I want to have time to myself, to date, to play, to be happy. However, I keep getting myself into projects in pursuit of perfection; I will never attain this because as soon as I reach one goal, I move the bar.

I work 40 hours per week. I sleep another 56. Food takes another 14 hours or so. After everything else, there is a small fraction left for me. I would be most happy, I believe, if I spent this time socializing, hanging with friends, and doing different things.

This leads to the following conclusions: I should alter the hardwood refinishing project. All trim that can be sent to a dipping center should be removed and set aside for that purpose. I should do the minimal amount necessary to meet the 22 May deadline.

Following this, I should not start any new unnecessary projects. If I need something done, I should carefully consider the size of the project. If it is too big, I should contract it out, not attempt to take it on myself. I must force myself to do this, to avoid falling into the trap of repeating myself.

When I don’t have all these goals I make for myself, life will be simpler. This is what is really important.

3. Going dancing

2000-07-17 diary journal

This weekend, I went to the East End Festival and then to a swing dance on Friday night. I find myself able to dance with those who asked me to, but I was unable to overcome my fear of asking anyone to dance with me. I was also unable to figure out what I was supposed to do after a dance was over, beside just thanking the person, so each person that danced with me left me alone after one dance. After two hours of the dance, I got really upset and frustrated, so I left.

I’m not sure what to do about this. I know it is my choice to talk with other people, but I’m afraid to. I’m not sure why, because I don’t have anything to lose (except face), and everything to gain. I really need to learn to overcome this stupid problem.

Other than that, my life has been good lately. I am now working at West Group in downtown Rochester. I’ve been riding the bus a lot, although I cycle sometimes. I think I should be cycling more, as I could use the exercise and the soul cleansing that comes with it.

4. Visiting Sue for Serpent Mount trip

2000-09-22 16:00 journal

I am in Cleveland, here following hiking in Connecticut, visiting Mike & Tina in Maryland, then more hiking in southern Pennsylvania. I am here for vacation and another trip to the Serpent Mound. Getting here a day early, I spent the afternoon in Great Lakes Mall, where I had someone try to sell me makeup, then spent time wandering shopping, got a haircut, then wandered some more.

After watching a video on make-up, I concluded more about it. The video sold the make-up on the idea that it could be used to create the illusion of a different shape face, in an attempt to make the face more perfect (by some unknown standard). Then I wandered, looking at overpriced clothing in Kaufman’s.

My conclusion is that clothing is not to simply cover our bodies. It allows us to wear (or believe we are wearing) garments that make us like some image we aspire to be. As a geek, I have no such image and therefore have no such aspiration, but instead I aspire to have my house as wired as possible, and therefore dump time and money into that. [I find myself wondering if other shoppers have a vision of what they want to look like in the same way that I have a vision of what the network layout of my house should be like.]

Anyway, a $54 pair of jeans isn’t a $54 pair of jeans, it’s a $54 investment in the “look” that the jeans (supposedly?) create.

In the Saga of Tuck, Tuck is a geek who in girl form learns the ‘importance’ of mode of dress. For some reason, probably limited mental, learning, or (most likely the real source) interest capacities, most geeks aren’t interested in looks, and the norms are all so distracted by their looks and conforming, etc. that they don’t have time to learn anything. Consequently, the large amount of dumb-asses wandering about today.

5. 08 journal: Year-and-a-Day Handfasting with Kat

2000-09-25 Monday 09

I am at Sue’s apartment in Cleveland, to return today to Rochester. Originally I was to return last evening, but I have stayed one extra day given the opportunity and also the circumstances.

Following the finding of enlightenment on Friday, I joined Sue & Kat at Sue’s place. We picked up Amanda at Cleveland Aeroport, and headed to Columbus to join Cathy and BC, who had arrived at Columbus Aeroport from Toronto. We spent the night in Cathy’s trailer.

We went to the Serpent Mound on 23 September, encountering torrential storms enroute from Cathy’s place. On arriving at the Mound, though, we had passed by most of the storms and skies were clear to cloudy for the few hours we spent doing the working. The ritual went well; most did the traditional Serpent Mound rebirth ritual.

I did my own variation, focusing on the changing of the seasons, the death of this year’s crops and vegetation and the storage of energy to allow them to be revived next, and the new lives that would sprout next year from this year’s seeds.

As I completed the death of this year’s plants, I joined with Kat in a symbolic protecting life over the coming winter for reincarnation next, and after completing the widdershins navigation of the mound, we cast Handfasting for a year and a day.

I therefore have a wife now until 23 September next year. Our relationship will remain open, and I am certain things will continue with Sue, Amanda, and Cathy. There seems to be a tight bond forming between the 5 of us.

After rebirth ritual, we did a group circle, which also went well. Afterwards, we spent an hour or so talking at the Mound. A group of Witches from Columbus had brought their own food, and they shared with us though most of us didn’t partake much, choosing instead to wait for Chinese buffet.

The 6 of us plus one other, Chris I think, Chinese buffeted and chatted for some hours more. The 6 of us then returned to Cathy’s during more torrential downpours, with a stop at Wal*Mart to grab stuff for a slumber party and to grab some cash while minimizing bank fees.

On arriving at Cathy’s, Sue & BC went off alone to talk, Cathy went to work, and Amanda crashed on the couch, and Kat and I took the floor. Kat, not having brought sweats, got cold during the night, but I put on jeans, offered her my sweats, and eventually I requisitioned a sheet and cuddled to help keep her warm.

Despite my efforts, Kat got pretty sick on Sunday. First she had a migraine, for which she took Vicotin from Sue. This helped, but a while later she got bad stomach cramps, possibly because of no food with Vicotin or something else. She says this happens from time to time. Rolaids made this better. Later her headache started to return, so when we grabbed lunch she got more Vicotin. Again this helped, but as we continued the drive home she got sick and threw up in the car. Thankfully, we had a kleenex box to contain it. She threw up some more just after we stopped, and I think there was some blood in the vomit. Amanda and I tried to convince her to go to hospital, which she refused while we all rested in Sue’s bed. When she was ready to go home, though, she got sick shortly after getting to her feet and agreed to go to hospital.

The hospital reports it as “Gastro Intonitis”, I think. It means her stomach is upset but they don’t know why. They ran various tests and determined she doesn’t have an ulcer, which is good. We brought her back to Sue’s place, where she is crashed as I write this.

I guess I find myself a little worried about Kat’s easy use of various medications, and what seem like frequent migraines. Hopefully when she is out of the stressful environment here, things will get better.

Apparently, then, I have created plenty of change in my life to satisfy me for a while. Hopefully the next year will provide much growth for both me and Kat.