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Since 1904
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Great Choices
We see you've picked out some great items today—we're glad to see you like our choices. Whether you've chosen a hot deal, a great color that shows your individuality, the mix-and-match items to complete an outfit, the perfect comfortable fit, something that matches your image, we're sure you'll be pleased. We appreciate your business!
Did you notice the one thing we didn't suggest you choose?
If you didn't buy our stuff, you'd just shop elsewhere for somebody else's merchandise. What else would you do with your money? After all, it's spending that shows what kind of person you are! By not spending your money, people might think you're poor or lower-class.
So hurry up and spend it. Keep yourself in debt, ensuring you'll have to keep working. If the stress gets to you, there's always medications to help you cope—you'll help keep the economy alive by paying for drugs and doctors to prescribe them. You won't be able to spend enough time with your family, but counseling is available (for a fee) for your marriage or kids (and attorneys are available (for a fee) if it doesn't work out). It's too hard to buck the system, so accept the way things are and give us the cash.
And remember, everyone else in America works and pays for all their stuff just fine. If you can't do it, or don't want to, there's just simply something wrong with you. Hurry up and buy now, before it's too late.