Perette

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Perette's journal: 2006

Contents

1. 2006-01-13 17:09 (Friday) journal

People are so wasteful. I picked up another vacuum on the side of the road, and all it needed was a new bag. Not even a new belt - it was fine. I got new bags, and I'm going to donate it to RKS so we have a vacuum for the space.

The bags I got pose an interesting question: they come in a re-sealable sack. Why is the sack reseal-able? The re-sealable baggie that carrots come in is handy; they're perishable and it avoids the need for twist-ties. Is the expectation that I'd care so much about keeping the vacuum bags clean before installing them that I'd want to keep their sack carefully sealed until I need the next one? This just seems silly.

I did taxes earlier this week. I have to pay the feds more, but NYS is giving me back some. I paid my county taxes today. Between the federal and county taxes, I'm watching extra reserves deplete quickly. *Sigh* So much for the Christmas Cash.

2. 2006-01-19 00:08 (Thursday) journal

I'm finding it hard to get motivated to do anything. I think it's the winter blues, instinct telling me to go into hibernation.

3. 2006-01-19 13:15 (Thursday) journal

I'm off to school today to study possible alternative job interests. My counsellor ran me through some tests that decide a category for me, and they have books of jobs organized by category. Unfortunately, they don't link the stuff into database with extra information like job stress levels, typical flexible or fixed hours, pay scales, etc. Such a database would be very useful in reducing the number of jobs matching my criteria.

4. 2006-01-22 17:04 (Sunday) journal

I was talking with Maggie earlier today, and she made an observation about me: I don't apologize for who I am, or the way I live my life. I freely try out things, without fears, regrets, or sadness - and she thinks that's one of the special properties about me.

5. 2006-01-23 10:37 (Monday) journal

I've gotten to thinking as a result of the job-review thing I did last week. Doing it felt wrong, or useless, like I was wasting my time - but there was something more to it. Like it wasn't the right way to be going about things. It forefronted the idea that life is an active sport, something we do - not read about. And that makes me think that spending this time to figure out what I want to do, when I already know what I want to do, is very wrong.

I thought about what I want to do, and I want to be a massage therapist. I could change my mind at any instant, and there's nothing wrong with doing so - but for the moment, be a massage therapy student.

I don't know if this is the driving factor or if there's more going on, but I'm feeling my connection to deity opening again. Only a few things have come down the channel beyond just a sense of connection; I'm not getting prophecies or anything - which is good; when I even think about it I instinctively sort of flinch and feel myself trying to break the connection. I don't want to, though; I feel the goodness on it, the sense of connection to the universe, the sense that my life is Right. A sense of being alive, of love, in my heart.

6. Weird advertising, Shiatsu dislike

2006-01-29 20:11 (Sunday) journal

Weirdness in Google Adwords: I was just doing a search on Adam Smith, philosopher and economist from the 1700s who wrote Wealth of Nations. Among the small number of Google ads that came up:

        <FooBar>Sales: 36AA Bras
        Specializes in Small Busted Women
        Save 50-90% Off M.S.R.P.
        www.<Foobar>Sales.com

What is the logic in this? Women interested in the economy have small tits? Is Adam Smith so unpopular for advertising that they get it near-free? On the other hand, they pay-per-click so they aren't paying unless someone's clicking. But Adwords are set up so you have to make your adverts relevant; if you don't get enough click-rate they turn off the advert. So I just don't get it.

In other events, I think I'm not going to enjoy this semester the way I did the last. My Shiatsu instructor is a nice guy, it seems, but the material bothers me. It's energy work and all this unscientific nonsense, which bothers me... Which is odd, because I'm Wiccan and I have faith and I believe in unscientific nonsense. But:

- I believe a lot of Magick is the power of suggestion.  Whether it's
  doing a ritual that enforces subtle behaviors that make sure the
  outcome I want gets done, or just making me believe things are what
  I want so I feel better.  But when I'm using the power of suggestion
  to heal someone else, there's a word for that: a placebo.
- I believe Magick is something done, not taught.  It's different for
  every individual.  So if there is real Magick, I don't think I
  can, or should, be taught to use it in a class.
- I don't claim Magick is science.  It's not.  Maybe one day, it will
  be, but right now it's not.  They are claiming Shiatsu is... a claim
  for which there is no supporting evidence.

I'm pretty sure I could attack Shiatsu from the perspective that it's a cult, and it'd fit a lot of those criteria. I could also just run it through the credibility tests for validating scientific work, and I expect it'd fail.

I find it laughable that massage therapy requires a license in this state, and that licensure requires learning this nonsense, these lies, this poppycock crap. What a joke.

The physiology professor doesn't seem to be as compatible with me as Wahba was. She doesn't seem to be really expecting us to perform, to be pushing us the way Wahba did.

Nutrition seems like it's going to be rounding out the details on something I already know: eat a balanced diet.

7. 2006-01-30 15:47 (Monday) journal

After 3 flat tires on my bike today, I broke down and bought a new tube & tire for the back and I have a new tube & tire on order for the front. An unplanned expense, but (hopefully!) worth it.

It's been nice getting out to cycle, even if it's been somewhat overcast. At least it's warm enough to be out there.

We have to do a diet alteration project for nutrition class, so I've decided my change will be to eat the recommended quantity of fruits and veggies. The recommendations are 600 mL of veggies/day, and 500 mL of fruits. It seems like an awful large amount of food.

8. Tasty Bambi!

2006-02-05 22:05 (Sunday) journal

butchering deer

The venison stew came out good! I followed my brother's recommendation of braising the meat before throwing it in the crock pot, then draining off the grease; it corrected the problem with the nasty, strange congealed grease that collected on the roof of the mouth.

9. Shiatsu frustration

2006-02-07 12:34 (Tuesday) journal

I'm really getting frustrated with Shiatsu. I feel like trying to tolerate it is wrong, a violation of who I am. I am a scientist, a thinker, and trying to accept and learn nonsense is bad, even worse for the purpose of practitioning this crap in the name of health care. I'm considering AbEnding the class.

I'm aware, though, that it's early February and I'm showing small signs of seasonal emotional wackiness... and I don't want to make a bad snap decision that will impact my life long-term.

I've also been thinking of trying to do software again. West Group is hiring downtown, and if I could get a job there it'd be convenient. I'd definitely want to be part-time, though, and I'm not sure how they'd feel about that.

10. 2006-02-09 09:15 (Thursday) journal

I've been working on my CV and cover letter, and that plus Shiatsu has me thinking about truth and self. The point or goal of life, it seems to me, is to develop ourselves, to truly understand who one is honestly and completely. Yet, to survive we are forced to present an adaptive self, a process which is contradictory to this full understanding of the self.

The level of difference between a person and their adaptive self varies by person and age, of course. If it's possible to align the two, maybe the adaptive self isn't necessary.

11. Placebo effects of Magickal workings

2006-02-11 11:05 (Saturday) journal

I was composing a letter to a friend, discussing magick and Reiki and energy and all that. I wrote this bit, which is insightful:

Reiki: is it real or is it just our imagination trying to make something tangible for the emotions of caring/happiness/closeness/being known that one feels while getting Reiki? I'm not sure it's a question that matters much for me - until someone tries to use it for profit. If it's something that makes people feel better/closer, great; but if there's exchange of cash involved, it needs to be real for me. Otherwise, there's scamming going on. It's charging money for a placebo, a replacement for the lack of personal/intimate touch in someone's life. If it's coming down to that, hiring a sex worker would be better: at least then, everyone knows what's going on, no lies or illusions or mystical magical energy. Just a person to be your friend for a few hours.

If someone is doing Reiki for free, it's not a placebo. They're expending their time and effort because they are close and caring. So it's a ritualized expression of that. And obscure rituals are a good way to manipulate the subconscious, the emotions. So, even if it has no actual effect of its own, the relationship between the individuals is real, and that is enough because it is real, not a placebo.

12. Shiatsu, massage, and the sex industry

2006-02-16 06:40 (Thursday) journal

pensive Mood: pensive

I was laying in bed last night thinking about the Shiatsu situation, and I got to comparing it to the idiots promoting creationism as a science and how I feel about that.

Often, I try to take a moderate role because when there are two polar opposites on an issue, I'm somewhere in the middle. I partially agree with one, partially agree with the other. I think I've gotten so accustomed to being in that moderate role that I try to stay neutral even when I don't agree with it. Also, I think I'm fearful of moving into one of the poles, which often involves declaring the members of the other pole to be horrible people -- something I don't agree with.

I think I need to know when to stay neutral, and when to take sides, and Shiatsu is not a staying neutral time. Shiatsu is a pseudo-science intertwined with a placebo, and it's okay for me to take that position. This is the Truth. If people want to use Shiatsu or Eastern modalities as a way to structure their lives, that's okay. Heck, if schools want to teach Shiatsu as an optional class, with the disclaimer that it's based on irrational science, fine. But, Shiatsu should not be baseline massage curriculum, nor should it be taught as a science of any sort - it's a piece of Eastern history, a mystical art maybe, but not a science.

angry Mood: angry

The other thing that I've been twigging about is the massage industry's attitude toward the sex industry, and the way it fails to acknowledge its own problems. Since massage was first associated with sex-work in the late 1800's, massage has tried to legitimize itself by medicalizing the profession and they've blamed issues with being perceived as quacks and jokes on this association with sex. Despite the separation of terminology in NY - massage and LMT for non-sexual massage, body rubs/ hot oil rubs for sexed-up massage - the massage industry continues to be paranoid that the sex workers are ruining the business for them, making them into a joke.

The massage industry seems completely oblivious to the reality that part of the reason they're considered quacks and bullshit artists is because they've got all these wing-nuts practicing who-knows-what dumb-ass irrational crap: Shiatsu, cranial-sacral therapy, acupressure, aromatherapy, reflexology.

Furthermore, the massage folks condemn sex-work as completely non-therapeutic. While I think much of it is, I think there are those practitioners who put the extra care into their work that makes it valuable. In my personal experience, probably 10% - 20% of the clients used beatings a way of releasing stress in their life, although I expect the correlation between BDSM & therapeutic value of traditional sex work is very low.

13. Hacking my journal!

2006-02-23 17:19 (Thursday) journal

I've been busy hacking my journal code; changes include addition of RSS and Atom feed support, and providing the public journal in HTML rather than text so the feed links can go to a specific entry. I've also dropped the "recent entries" page since using a feed is the Right Way to go.

I'm at SPoT coffee right now, where I've been finishing off the code. Today was sunny and dry, so I cycled down here and did some reading and hacking in the wonderfully sunny windows, a big feature of this place in my mind. Alas, as the night sets in there's a noticeable heat loss when sitting in a skimpy shirt by the windows.

I'm supposed to be hanging with fuschia tonight, so I've got to get out of here RSN. I didn't get as much school work done as I'd like, but at least I haven't been as lazy as I was the first few days of this week.

14. Trip to Toronto with Dave

2006-02-26 15:10 (Sunday) journal

amazed Mood: amazed

Dave and I went to Toronto this weekend to see the Body Worlds 2 Exhibit at the Ontario Science Centre; it was fantastic. The bodies are preserved with a plastination technique so they don't have any remaining scent, and they're posed in a variety of artistic, often athletic positions to expose different muscle and/or nerve groups. There are also full-body sagittal, frontal, and transverse sections; and some interesting displays of the blood networks of various organs.

I wouldn't simply use Body Worlds as a replacement for the hands-on experience of working on Charlie; being able to touch, cut, feel, and work first-hand on a cadaver was amazing. In fact, having taken that class probably made things even better -- I recognized what various structures were; going in with 0 knowledge I think I'd have been quickly overwhelmed with information and not really appreciated a lot of it.

Oddly, I didn't see much detail on the cranial nerves and their attachment to the brain/brainstem.

The murder mystery play was fun, though silly; it reminded me of the audience-participation style interaction found at the Renaissance faire.

We got to have brunch this morning with Sue, Amanda, and Sean; this is the first time Dave and Sean have met. We tried to make a second play this afternoon, but they were sold out.

I took the opportunity to hack on the way up, and re-did the photo album menu structure on my site. Eventually, I think I'll set up all the menus like I've done with that and the journal; but since I have to get back to schoolwork soon, additional conversion will probably be a while.

15. 2006-02-28 17:46 (Tuesday) journal

Mood: lonely and shunned

Today was Shiatsu again, and I stayed out of the hands-on part to do observation and some thinking. It was odd, because as I was watching and everyone else was doing, it felt like I was being left out (by my own choice) through my choice to not conform today. The thing is, even when I'm doing I still feel like an outsider, like I'm going through the motions to try to conform but I still just don't.

I summarized some of my ideas down to this:

  I desire to be accepted,
          but
  I am unwilling to conform
        because
  I am a stubborn bitch about being myself
          and
  losing my identity would destroy me.

This all relates to the Shiatsu discomfort because:

  I see what I do and how I do it as a representation of who I am.
  To do something I disagree with creates a sense of violation of
  who I am.

Based on this, I presently believe I won't make it through the whole massage therapy sequence. I'm not even sure if I'll make it through the remaining 4 weeks of Shiatsu to make it to the medical applications of Swedish, which I would like to do.

I've also been tinkering with the journal again, adding friends to the links on the side and hot-linking references to people to their journals or home pages. It's amazing what a few lines in m4 can do. I'm considering doing something with the home page, maybe even swapping it with the journal and making the home page into just a profile page.

16. Shiatsu as a bogus scientific explanation

2006-03-03 15:23 (Friday) journal

We encountered a few things in Shiatsu this week that is giving me a new angle on it. We hit on the idea of swelling or inflammation being related to the fire element. If you didn't know anything about how chemistry and the periodic table, you might use a model - say, earth, air, fire, or water. Or earth, metal, fire, water, wood. Since your model is supposed to explain things, you assume everything is made out of them - us included. If someone has a hot, swollen area and you don't know about histamines and how they cause blood vessels to leak nutrients into surrounding tissues so healing can happen, then you might conclude that fire is stuck there, or leaking out of a fire-organ or something. Hey, this theory needs a name - let's call it the Carp theory.

And what about death? Why do people get sick and sometimes they get better, and sometimes they die? Sometimes, they just die without getting sick - but often we're older than. And if trees and swords aren't self aware, why are we? So you add a magickal substance called Wang to your model, a substance we're born with which makes us alive. We use it, and when we run out, we die.

Assuming you figured it out right, then maybe you can use these ideas to help cure people. What if you could manipulate their Wang or the fire in their body so it starts moving? Maybe it would fix the stuck fire that's causing inflammation. You try it out and you imagine it is doing something, and it seems to work.

The problem here is you're biased. You want your idea to work. So, without rigorous science, you notice some of your people get better. Some get better, some don't. But maybe they were out of Wang.

There's several psychological phenomena at work here:

- The placebo effect.  You've got this stuff you're doing to them that
  you say will make them feel better, so what do you know?  It does.
  (Effects similar to a sugar pill.)

- The gambling effect.  Sometimes what you do works, sometimes it doesn't.
  A variable feedback schedule is a great way to hold people's interest.
  As long as once in a while they seem like they've had success, they'll
  keep trying.

- The "personal righteousness" effect.  I can't remember the correct
  term, but it's the one where people take responsibility for successes
  but blame failures on external events.  So if a client feels better,
  it must have been the healer.  If they die, it was just their time.

You train others in your theory, and over generations they extend it with more mystics, including latitudes, Shun-kun points, diagnostic spots - and probably even a few ideas that are legitimate - until eventually, it's a damn complex placebo with a few good ideas mixed in.

Why doesn't anyone contradict your theory? Because your society hasn't invented the scientific method. No one dissects cadavers to find out how things really work. The very basics of your model -- your elements -- are wrong. Nevertheless, your medicine appears to work because of the placebo effect and the few things that are right. So, despite the fact that your theory is substantially in error, it's better than nothing. The longer it's around, the harder it is to challenge because it eventually gets treated as fact.

So 3000 years later, when proper medicine has been invented and is explaining a lot of things, why doesn't this Carp theory go away? Because medicine still doesn't explain everything, and the Carp theory still has the psychological effects going for it. Thus, those who like mystics for mystics' sake, those who don't have the intelligence or training to recognize the placebo effect, those who keep hoping for a cure for their chronic pain (for which science doesn't have an answer yet), and the practitioners who are making money off it keep the Carp theory in business.

Even worse, they look back at the 3000 year history of the Carp theory and say, "Hey, look, it's been used for 3000 years so it must have something going for it." They take the Carp theory and declare it to be a science. They get the government (which is run by politicians, not scientists) to license practitioners, which gives an illusion of legitimacy - an illusion which is enhanced because, since it's licensed, the Carp theory gets taught in schools, just like legitimate medicine.

Until an annoying little Fishie in Rochester decides she's had enough of the Carp theory. Alas, one voice probably won't do any good. But I can try.

17. Shiatsu and Dogmatic Religion

2006-03-04 12:46 (Saturday) journal

"Man needs ritual and dogma", says Anton LaVey [1969: The Satanic Bible, p.44]. He goes on to say, "It is one thing to accept something intellectually, but to accept the same thing emotionally is an entirely different matter. ... Psychiatry, despite all the good it has done, has robbed man of wonder and fantasy which religion, in the past, has provided." [p.53]. This idea is validated by the huge interest in alternative words as presented in Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Narnia; as well as the increasing number of role-playing games available over the years. Shiatsu, being a pseudo-religious entity with ritual and dogma, also fulfills this desire for fantasy.

For the practitioner, Shiatsu lays out a whole lifestyle. A way of funding life as a healer, a set of both practical and magickal rituals for self-care. Just as I use yoga as a way to stretch my muscles but also as a ritual to relax the mind, the Shiatsu practitioner uses makka-ho stretches and meditating while focusing on breathing. Unfortunately, they dogmatically believe that the makka-ho stretches their meridians, and that they are manipulating energies in the hara. Where we differ, I think, is that I know I'm using yoga in a dogmatic manner to keep myself grounded, whereas the Shiatsu practitioner believes in the nonsense which he espouses.

For the client, Shiatsu also provides a 1:1 encounter with a pseudo-health-care provider. Parts of Shiatsu have function: many of the passive stretches integrated into a session feel quite good and are probably good for the muscle. The working of meridians does cross some muscle groups, and may provide a degree of massage, although a proper massage would be more effective in working the muscles.

In summary: Shiatsu is a substandard version of massage that uses complex rituals and confusing dogma to provide an effective placebo to impressionable clients, and a lifestyle and wages to the practitioner.

18. Journal improvements and thoughts

2006-03-09 19:02 (Thursday) journal

pensive Mood: pensive

I've been working on my web page a lot lately: converting my journal from plain-text to HTML, adding some blog-ish features (like mood) adding an SGML validator to ensure the HTML is specification-compliant, redoing some of the navigation menus, and adding the Atom and RSS feeds. I'm mixed on what good it does.

On the one hand, I think a lot of the page has a more modern look, which could benefit me in the way of finding a software job. The feeds should make it easier for friends to keep informed of what I'm up to -- based on my experience, anyway, that feeds make it much easier to keep track of what they're all up to.

On the other hand, I assert the journal is mainly about me. I still write it in plain-text, so why bother with the re-formatter? Does anyone ever read any of the other content on my page? Certainly, the server logs indicate there's not much being read beyond My Sex Change, which is hit by a mixture of people looking for sex change information and people looking for p0rn based on the search keywords. Occasionally people do wander though the site, but is the effort in revamping the page really worthy of the time investment for ... what's the return? I'm not sure.

I spoke with the program co-ordinator and my Shiatsu instructor at school about the possibility of leaving the program after this year. Deneen seemed neutral, probably because even though she recognizes me as a good student I've created plenty of hassles for her. Matthew thinks it could be a loss to the massage profession, because my experience with gender transition makes me more open, or at least less intimidating to clients who don't want to be condemned for "improper" or "inadequate" body images. This is one of the things I always thought I'd be good with -- and my experience as a dominatrix just makes me even more familiar with a variety of body models.

Maybe before I commit to a decision, I'll sit down with Matt, or maybe both, and discuss in more depth.

19. 2006-03-12 21:17 (Sunday) journal

It was a good, though busy, weekend. The season ending for Battlestar Galactica was very surprising -- I suspect there's going to be a very different order of things next season.

I got to an RKS play party, and it was good to see many people I've missed for a while. I played with Mistress Sensual for a bit, and was reminded how important exercising the sub part of me is to maintain balance. I felt relaxed in a way I haven't in a while.

20. 2006-03-15 13:21 (Wednesday) journal

I ran out of milk so I tried orange juice on my cereal. I tried it once as a kid, and I didn't think it was so bad. I apparently had no taste back then, because it was awful.

In the news today, the feds (and several other countries' equivalents) are busting a bunch of child porn sites. I'm glad they're preventing the hurting of children, but I feel sad for those with pedophilia. My experience with my fetishes leads me to think that if I was born with the pedophilic desire, it would be very hard to resist -- honestly, I doubt I could.

I sometimes wonder if it would be possible to hook up a pedophile with an adult baby and make things work. Obviously it wouldn't be "ideal" in terms of fulfilling the fantasy, but on the other hand how many fetishes do we participate in that are? Take an asphyxiation fetish: in the ultimate fantasy, the participant dies. But very few people are willing to die to fulfill that fantasy, so we role play scenes carefully so we can explore the fantasy an minimize the risk of the deadly results.

I'm sure some would argue that this would encourage the pedophile to progress to actual children (and on a few it might), but on others it might release pent-up sexuality with another adult so they aren't driven to children.

21. 2006-03-22 16:08 (Wednesday) journal

The evil hell that is Shiatsu is over, at least for this semester. It's probably over forever, because I'm planning to go for nursing. I signed up for microbiology in the fall, and I'm taking some Java courses this summer and in fall... and the fall ones conflict with myology, a co-requisite for massage.

I plan to talk to my advisor in the massage program tomorrow and turn in my letter of intent. Among my classmates, there's knowledge I'm considering the change but no confirmation yet -- once I'm committed, I should do that.

I've started the reading for the second half of MAS-102, and it's definitely better. The scary "energy" word appears a few times in the intro to the book, but at least in the assigned reading we're sticking to real stuff.

We had a little party after the mid-term / Shiatsu final on Tuesday, and I made some venison chili. It came out good for a first-time experiment. Surprisingly, a lot of people weren't weirded out by it being venison; given the fuzzy bunny weirdness of massage class to date I sort of expected half the people to be squicked or freaked out by it - "No, I can't eat Bambi!" Odd, isn't it, that they are pink in ways I don't get, and when I expect it they aren't. And that observation means I've developed some sort of prejudiced expectations toward my classmates, but the question is: is it a judgement based on the observations I've seen, or was it something there from the beginning?

22. 2006-03-29 15:13 (Wednesday) journal

The winter weather is finally giving way to Spring. I've been able to start cycling to school, and spend some time in a skimpy dress studying on the lawn. I think I even managed a mild sunburn today. Mmmm, 19C.

Life is mostly okay for me at the moment. I'm on top of schoolwork, financially okay for the moment. Still not quite sure what I'll end up training for; I talked with the PA in massage class and she has some good reasons to head in that direction rather than nursing. For now, though, I'm just heading in a direction and not worrying too much about which of place I should follow the path to. It's kind of odd, I say I'm going toward nursing, and people give me feedback... but since I'm not even certain that's my destination, it feels preliminary for them to tell me stuff. But I don't know how better to describe what I think I'm doing. And therein lies the thing I mention years ago wanting to keep things brief because I don't want to explain the details repeatedly, but then it's hard to discuss it in any detail.

Tina is getting ready to start her AT hike. I hope I've got the opportunity to hike a section with her this sometime. I talked to Severian and Dave, and they're both interested in doing some sort of summer hike. I should ask fuschia, she's talked about doing something like that too.

23. 2006-03-31 18:07 (Friday) journal

"The aspiration system with baffles will allow anti-bird protection."

24. 2006-04-04 13:08 (Tuesday) journal

happy Mood: happy

After considering the hazards that are involved, I decided to run an experiment and take myself off Lexapro, the SSRI-class anti-depressant I've been on. I stopped taking it Sunday (so the last dose I took was Saturday morning).

As I've noticed when I missed doses, I started feeling a sort of dizziness or vertigo which has been increasing as time passes.

Today I'm feeling alive, in a way I haven't. It could be onset of spring, placebo, or coming off the meds. It's not like manic or depressive, more like my emotions are just there in a way they aren't when I'm on the meds. It's like the drug takes away the depression by just blunting all emotion.

Last night, Dave and I went out to a topless bar (Foxy's) and he bought me a lap dance. It's the first time I've ever had one... I've been to topless bars before (even considering to apply, once), but even this seemed different. Maybe because it was a quiet night, the dancers were friendly and spent a lot of time dancing for each customer.

The lap dance... felt strange. There's not much discussion of boundaries or anything, and I didn't want to step over any so I was conservative and didn't touch much unless I was certain it was okay with her.

The whole thing... It felt like it should be erotic, and occasionally it was. But, maybe because I'm so accustomed to seeing all manner of fun and play at RKS and other play-parties, it just doesn't seem all that risque. It seemed very tame to me.

25. 2006-04-06 19:43 (Thursday) journal

I was feeling social today, and wanted a bit of a break from reading day after day, so I went out to RIT and did a little research on the Physician's Assistant program there. It turns out it's probably not a great choice; although it's a respected program it's arranged as a BS degree and they want the class-work to be within 10 years so my first RIT history has "expired". Which means the cost of the PA program exceeds the value I can get versus doing the nursing degree on the cheap at MCC.

I hit up two areas for info: the counselling center, and admissions. Both were sort of strange experiences; I just wanted information on what coursework would transfer and how much I'd have to take at RIT (and pay out mucho dosh for) but they kept trying to be really helpful. Admissions especially was trying to tell me how great it would be there, to the point that it felt like I was being marketed to... which is a great way to make me suspicious of buying something.

I also took the opportunity to stop in and order a full transcript (I have a half-dozen of various pre-graduation transcripts, but I don't actually have a complete one), and took some time to visit Warren who is doing well, if still uncertain about his feelings toward & future at RIT since the transition to a research rather than academic school.

And, of course, there are new buildings: a mystery building ("Center for Bioscience Education & Technology" according to the latest campus map) which is nearing completion, and an expansion to building 17 that seems to house a bunch of extra CS/IT labs.

On returning to my car, Campus Safety had left a ticket on my car for parking in the visitor's parking. (A great way to get potential students interested in the school: give them parking tickets before they've even applied!) Kinda made it feel like I was home. Bastards.

26. 2006-04-12 08:49 (Wednesday) journal

I think I may have gotten another skill point in Plunging Skill. My tub drain has been getting slower and slower, and I finally addressed it on Monday. I used Dad's technique of plugging the overflow and then plunging the hell out of it, and it worked well. I think it's working better now than it ever has since I lived here. It's nice to have taken care of that.

The other bit of excitement around here is that I baked cookies Monday evening. I made two batches; one using the recipe from the back of the chocolate chip package, the other modified to be healthier. They both came out good, although the healthy have that distinctive "healthy" taste to them. It ended up being a painful experiment, though, because yesterday when I was putting dishes away I dropped one of the baking pans on my little toe and bruised it really bad. Despite swelling and a huge bruise, I refuse to believe I broke my toe from a baking pan; it's just not heavy enough.

I talked with Ellen last night, and she's not coming in for the weekend... we haven't been in touch enough recently, and she's felt blown off. It's a legitimate feeling; I've been so busy with school I don't get enough time to spend with people. I know I've been blowing off Dar and Curtis, Jayce, and probably some others too.

I've been thinking I've got to get better at utilizing my time, especially my play time. Too often when I'm not doing school work, I just veg around the house... some of which I definitely need, but I think I need to make a point of getting out and spending social time with people too. On the success side, I've run into a few cases in coffee shops where a conversation starts and end up having interesting talks with new acquaintances, and that's been pleasing.

27. Toronto visit

2006-04-16 22:42 (Sunday) journal

I went up to Toronto to visit Sue & Amanda this weekend, and had an opportunity to meet Sonja, a friendly gal that is very into languages. I also stopped in at the TAG munch, although it was sparsely attended since this was Easter weekend. It was nice to spend time with everybody, nice to get away from home for a bit, nice to just get away from the stress of trying to keep up with school for a few days (although I'm on vacation this week, I have some assignments and I want to catch up and then buffer up on some reading).

We spent most of Saturday in an area of downtown Toronto known as "the village", in the Wellesley-Church area, which seems to have similarities to the Greenwich Village area of NYC - a little grittiness in the sense that it's average people, not rich corporate and upper-class types... so rents are less unreasonable, although places show signs of wear; it's an area of openness to being who you want to be -- there's GLBT and BDSM/leather community there, and probably others as well. Spending time there made me feel at home, a sense of belonging that I don't have here -- and that I've feared I wouldn't have near High Park in Toronto. Though I love the area, and I think High Park is a great resource, I just don't feel like I'd fit in around there. But the village, maybe; at least I'd like to give it a try - and the desire to try is something I haven't had in a long time.

Still, things are expensive there and I'd probably want to share a place to keep rent reasonable. Locating a person to room with could be a real challenge -- despite the open attitude of the region, finding someone who is okay rooming with me in all my weirdness seems like a challenge. And, if I decide to move in with an existing person, I have to figure out how to cut my stuff *a lot*. Pretty much, anything I have now I don't need anymore with the exception of a handful of clothing, a dresser, my bed, my stereo, media and shelving for it, and my bike. I'd have to find a new home for Jack, because I wouldn't feel right trapping him indoors.

If I got a place on my own, or found a roommate to join me after the fact, then I'd also have use of my sofa and dining table.

Ditching my car, a lot of my tools, extra AV equipment, and stuff like that seems in order either way. Generally, if I'm going to go there, I need to ditch all the stuff that anchors me to my house.

There's a different philosophy that must go with living in the city; here in Rochester, I own my house and my little patch of land and I can do as I want with it. I can build things and fix things, and I'm responsible for taking care of my stuff.

But as a resident in a big city, someone else takes care of the building, I would just pay rent and do my thing, (in theory) no worries. But I would somewhat lose the freedom I have here: when I want to build stuff, I buy some wood and saw it up and make stuff. If I get tired part way, I stop and store the crap in the garage and continue later. That whole workshop aspect of the garage/basement/back yard is gone if I move into an apartment building.

I'm still intimidated by the possibility of moving. There's inertia to stay in Rochester: it's a known quantity, I have Dave, Jayce, Mike, fuscia, & the other RKS folks here, in addition to some acquaintances from school & other places. I don't have to give up my stuff to stay here, and it's relatively cheap: my house costs $200/month taxes, which is cheaper than any rent I'll ever get, although I do have house maintenance costs that come up that I'm not counting.

If I do move to Toronto, it wouldn't be for some time anyway. I'd need to prepare the house for sale (I could do this over the summer), and I'd want to get through the Java and Microbiology classes I'm planning to take this summer and autumn; this would prepare me for taking a job back in the software industry or maybe shift into something biotech-related (I'm not really sure what exists, but I imagine there's at least some need for computing + solid human biology background).

28. 2006-04-18 17:33 (Tuesday) journal

Mood: industrious
water feature stage 1

I started installing my water feature (aka fish pond, raccoon feeder, waterfall) today. I dug out the pond, installed the liner, and arranged some rocks and my picnic table around the pond. I didn't get to any of the waterfall yet, so for now there's just a pile of sod where it will be. Some of the dirt is still in the wheelbarrow too.

29. 2006-04-21 23:44 (Friday) journal

pensive Mood: pensive
falls hollow

I went with my family (mom, dad, and my nephew Cody) to Niagara Falls today. We even walked out onto Goat Island, which overlooks the Horseshoe falls from the American Side - I've never been out there before but it's a pleasant walk and a good view, though the view from Niagara, Ontario is still better. The falls are impressive in their sheer size, but it seems odd that people come from around the world to see it because it's so impersonal. You can't climb around on Niagara falls, you can't play in or taste the water, you can't see the rocks close-up or sniff the soft moss. Although Niagara Falls wins hands-down on sheer impressiveness, I think on beauty -- maybe even intimacy -- there are more beautiful waterfalls out there.

Something got me to thinking about evolution and the intelligent design bullshit. That got me to thinking about the design process for stuff, and our learning and construction processes. In summary, I concluded:

        Nothing we design or build today is from scratch.  Everything
        is built on prior work, representing an evolution of ideas.

Take my building my bondage bench:

  - I chose the angle of the top by looking at various other benches and
    deciding which one was best.

  - The wood I used was 2*4s.  I didn't choose that -- someone else decided
    this and I just worked from their decision that that's strong enough.

  - I used carriage bolts to hold the parts together.  I bought them all
    pre-made, building on top of all the design work that somebody did in
    those.  What's so big about a bolt?
    * Nuts are hexagonal and have well-defined sizes so they work
      well with wrenches.
    * Thread sizes and diameters are standard -- based on a standard from
      many years ago.
    * Carriage bolts have an enlarged square region just below the head so
      they lock themselves in and won't turn when tightening.  I'd bet that
      was an improvement (evolution!) of screws without the feature long,
      long ago.

  - I did computed layout details using mathematical principles that
    humankind has been figuring out over the centuries -- evolution of
    ideas, each generation getting better.

So even though I designed and built it myself, that doesn't mean I started from ground 0, and went from being the clueless amoeba to the tool-carrying super-monkey to build my bench. The whole thing is based on the evolution and growth of knowledge.

Creationists argue G*d built us last, before the day of rest -- we were the crowning achievement (Us? Ha!). So what was s/he doing before that? Building other critters: amoeba, fish, little scurrying creatures, big creatures, molluscs, amphibians, mammals. And though there's huge differences between all these things, there's some pretty basic shared fundamentals too. The closer the species, the move shared parts.

When G*d supposedly got to us, did he start from scratch? No. Same parts, same notochord to start from that a bunch of other mammals have, similar metabolisms, same major organs, similar muscle layouts, same bone materials, and reuse a lot of the chemistries and parts. S/he even left in crap we don't use all that much, like arrector pili muscles, the appendix (although it does have a small function in immunity), the instructions that give the occasional person with a vestigial tail. So I argue that evolution happened, whether by natural selection or improved ideas and experience going through the Big Guy's head.

30. 2006-04-24 17:58 (Monday) journal

I was just sorting some Canadian and US cash, and I thought to myself, `In God we trust. We better, because we certainly can't trust George W. Bush.'

I was also thinking earlier today that I want to form a band named Lamina, primarily so DJs could accidentally make puns that went right over their own heads.

31. 2006-04-25 13:18 (Tuesday) journal

pensive Mood: pensive

While receiving in massage class today, my mind wandered and I got to thinking about dense city life (Toronto) versus my area, and the motives for being in either one.

I moved to my house 8 years ago because I thought I wanted to settle down, find a significant other, and adopt a kid. For those goals, where I live would be a great place -- other kids to play with, school nearby, not too expensive (because kids will make up for that). I also wanted the homeowner lifestyle; I probably had the idea that owning a house would create a life framework for me.

Somewhere along the way, though, I changed. I am not ready to settle down - I want to be out meeting new people, exploring more life. I've got no plans for a live-in significant other, given that I find polyamory to be much more compatible with me. Even if I did move in with someone, I wouldn't want to be with them all the time; I enjoy time of my own and individual time with others and time with people as groups of friends. I'm still not ready for kids, and at this point I've lost any desire to acquire any. It might be honorable to adopt a kid, but they're more work than I want to deal with. I've got my own growing up to do!

happy Mood: happy

Out of all that, is the idea that the stuff I surround myself with should represent or be conducive to supporting me experiencing life that I'm experimenting with at the moment. At the moment, my house, my stuff, my life, does not meet these criteria. My stuff is a bunch of inertia, anchoring me to my house in Rochester, and the responsibilities therein.

The possible error in this reason is that I could go out and do more stuff in Rochester. There's bands to go see, coffee shops to go out to, restaurants to eat at. I am, however, still held back by the responsibilities of my house, and have to have a car to travel practically in Rochester, and there's not the range of stuff / people / subcultures that there would be in a larger city.

And let's face it: I'm far from mainstream.

So, along with finding the Church / Wellesley area in Toronto, this reasoning makes me think it's time to start weighing the anchor in Rochester, so I can set sails for ... whatever new experiences I'm looking for. Still, there's a sadness about the idea of leaving, because I care deeply about several people I know here. Still, I think I need to follow my dreams and desires; I don't want to be on my death bed and feel like I've missed out.

angry Mood: angry

And in other massage class news, I overheard a guy talking about how how he's got a new vibrating tongue ring, and how he was using it to perform oral sex on his girlfriend this weekend but she really didn't like it. Even better, one of the persons accusing me of sexual harassment was listening in and didn't seem to care one iota! I'm really starting to feel convinced that I got the shaft. So, even though I'm still not 100% confident in my decision to switch to nursing, I am at least happy that I won't have to deal with at least some of these people anymore.

32. 2006-04-28 13:31 (Friday) journal

happy Mood: happy

I've been spending a lot of time this week getting the electrics in for my pond, but I'm on the verge of finishing up. Doing that project has serendipitously given me an opportunity to fix an outlet on the back of the house and concrete up some old electric service holes and assorted joints in my house's foundation. I even mixed up the first batch of concrete patch wrong, so I ended up using that to patch some cracks in my drive-way.

INDEX(Rochester, Thoughts of leaving) It seems odd that as I'm doing this improvement project I'm simultaneously deciding I want to live elsewhere. I think in part my realization that I can do anything I want to my house and yard, but that it doesn't address friendships & relationships, which is what I really want. That realization gives me motivation I haven't had in a while.

There's some drama with RKS, and the two matters that have come to my attention are individually things that require some comment to the board. Together, though, they make me wonder what the hell I've been missing out on and if there's more weirdness in decisions that are happening.

33. 2006-04-28 23:48 (Friday) journal

I have a theory on why I become depressed.

Everything in the body is designed to be adaptive. Every component adjusts itself based on its interaction with other parts, finding a balance that works. That principle, plus homeostasis (which is a specific version of it) is the reason people can be born so amazingly variant and even be possible, like in the case of conjoined twins.

My mind is different from most, a fact validated by my high functioning level under normal conditions. Lack of stimulation is frustrating; I always want to be learning or researching or trying something new. I also believe I process information more heavily, or in more detail, than most. For example, I use tri-state logic: yes, no, and I don't know; this meta-knowledge is not present in most people, who instead have a single pile of "stuff I've been told" which is alternately labelled "truth". When new data comes in, it goes through a validation process to see if it contradicts or is contradicted by existing knowledge, and if so, it's flagged. All the information I store has confidence values, which are set based on sensibleness, agreement with scientific principles, reliability of source, and so on.

When I'm thinking, I need to process not only my knowledge but the meta-knowledge. I also process the same idea from different angles, searching for associations between different ideas. Thus, I believe I think harder than most people; that is to say, similar processing of ideas invokes more neural activity in my brain.

If I'm under a heavy work load, dealing with an extra-complex project, or just excited, the load average in my head goes up. On days where I'm very focused, when I'm done, I often experience a fatigue-like feeling that makes me want to sleep. It doesn't feel like muscles or like my body is out of energy, more like my brain wants a rest.

I theorize that on these days, my neurons are running out of neurotransmitters and become fatigued as they try to keep up production as energy stores and neurotransmitter base components run into short supply.

When this happens once in a while, it's okay. However, when it happens repeatedly, the neuron reduces the quantity of neurotransmitter released per action potential in an attempt to maintain homeostasis, and prevent running out of neurotransmitter. The lower dose of neurotransmitter released means less likelihood of reaching a threshold depolarization in the post-synaptic nerve, resulting in fewer action potentials there. Which is pretty much the definition depression.

The more times this happens, the better the nerves become at adapting to running out of neurotransmitter and re-entering the reduced output state.

The answer, then, is to limit the throughput on my brain so that neurons don't run out of neurotransmitter and therefore don't have to reduce their output per action potential. This means I have to learn better discipline to regulate the amount of time involved in intellectual activities. Meditation skills don't work for me, but Yoga is effective at focusing the mind on simple things if not completely quieting it. It also has the benefit of being good for the muscles. This would be a good way to start.

34. 2006-04-30 02:02 (Sunday) journal

I've updated my Atom and RSS feeds to include the full text of my journal entries, rather than just a summary (aka first paragraph).

I have gotten a good explanation for one of the RKS dramas, but the other one is still sketchy. It sounds like there's been a festering issue for a while, and the board finally addressed it.

Post script: If you really hate my journal page and the RSS feed, you can try the Live Journal syndication account that Sonja set up at periperi.livejournal.com. My journal is like Burger King now: have it your way!

35. 2006-05-01 22:35 (Monday) journal

good Mood: good

I'm smelly tonight, having cycled to school, then to downtown where I had a snack at SPoT Coffee while doing some reading, and finally wandered over to Aladdin's for dinner. Along the way, I found out Mac Avenue has closed, which is sad. They were friendly, and I wish I'd had the opportunity to buy more stuff from them... but I just didn't need much.

The latest Saga of Tuck came out yesterday, too, and I spent some time reading that on the lawn at school. Thankfully, I did it in the shade: I've managed to get a pretty good sunburn, even though I've been applying sunscreen. Thus, empirical methods show that sun-block does in fact expire. I've been suspicious for a while that this was just a scheme for selling more product, but indeed, it's not working the way it should. I've had the bottle I've been applying for several years, though; certainly longer than the 1-3 year time they indicate on the bottle, so it's very slow about wearing out.

There's news that the remaining RKS drama is being addressed, which is excellent news. Hopefully the matter will get clarified and resolved completely.

36. 2006-05-06 15:18 (Saturday) journal

Mood: busy
water feature stage 2

I've been busy this week with Physiology, but I'm in a good position at the moment. I feel ready for the test on Monday.

I also worked on the pond, finally building the waterfall. One of the neighbors threw out a 5-gallon water bottle, like bottled water comes in for a dispenser, so I snagged it and cut it in halves and used those to form the pools of water, the bottle's snout being the outlet of each pool. I set them in the hill and put rocks around them to give them a more natural look, and I think it came out alright. I came up with the idea of using the upper pool as a filter, so it's filled with small stone and has a divider to force the water to filter through the stone.

The water has clouded up a little, but there's at least one goldfish still alive -- he almost got sucked into the waterfall pump before I put the grating on. Birds have decided it's cool, too, and now birds pop in pretty frequently to take a drink and then move on. Occasionally they want to eat the grass seed, too; I imagine a lot more of this happens when I'm not looking.

So now it's just a matter of getting the lawn and mound growing again. Olga, my neighbor, is going to choose some plants for around the waterfall. I'm happy, it came out as nice as I wanted and nicer than I expected I could do.

37. 2006-05-07 19:48 (Sunday) journal

excited! Mood: excited!

My fish are alive! After putting fish in my pond when my parents & Cody came up a few weeks ago, two of the fish died. The other two seemed very inactive and never ate when I fed them. The water has clouded up, so I haven't been able to see them much for the last few days, and when I have it's only been one of them for a moment or two. I went to the pet store to get some activated carbon to try to balance the water better, and I got one more fish and a skimmer tool too. I put the fish in, and was skimming the water, and a bit later all 3 fish started coming up to the surface and looking for food. I don't know exactly got them going -- I can't believe the activated carbon could have done anything that fast, and I don't see what skimming the water would do. Maybe they just needed an alpha fish to get them going?

Anyway, I gave them some fish flakes and they ate them, so they've had a good meal. I was worried they weren't getting any food since I never saw them. The girl at the store said they'd eat the algae that's clouding the water too, so maybe they're getting nutrition that way.

Dave took me up to Fort Erie in Ontario, Canada yesterday and we spent the night after going out to a strip bar and watching the dancers. Maybe I had unrealistic expectations - anytime anybody talks about strip bars, they say the ones down here suck and how much better they are in Canada - but it just didn't live up to my expectations. On the whole, the girls don't really try to dance much -- more do a sexy strut on the stage and try to get guys to give them dollars, then hustle for lap dances when they're done. There was only one girl that did what I really think of as a dance, where she was doing inversions on the pole and stuff; that was cool. There was also one who chose several lusty show-tunes, rather than the traditional dance beats, and did a semi-choreographed routine to those which was cool and a nice variation. One girl was new to stripping, it was her second day, and she sat and talked with me a while; she seemed to expose a side of her the others don't. I imagine the sheltering of the self from clients that comes with working in the sex industry hasn't set in for her yet, but I found it pleasing -- she was more human, didn't have that transaction feel to talking with her.

And then Dave and I had completely plain, ordinary vanilla sex. And it wasn't bad. Huh...

I've been thinking I should reserve a space at the Rochester HamFest, and try to ditch junk there. I think it would be a good place to get started unloading stuff.

38. Warning signs preceding a crash

2006-05-11 20:06 (Thursday) journal

I started gathering stuff together to get sold. Repacking it in boxes, putting it on the garage sale page for now. I'm also experimenting with a free cables routine on Freecycle, advertising them in mass because there's such a huge assortment.

Stress has been high this week, trying to get projects and reading done for school. I'm keeping up but struggling sometime, but then I'm not using my time all that effectively either. I'm easily distracted by trivia and unrelated things. I have been monitoring myself, and I started compiling a list of pre-crash symptoms that I can use to track my stress levels:

  - Sleep disturbances / inability to sleep
  - Hyper-vigilance / hypersensitivity to touch
  - Digestive disturbances / diarrhea
  - Moodiness / mood instability
  - Diminished intellectual capacity
  - Emotional shutdown
  - Panic() happens when my CPU or I/O bus gets overloaded; thrashing.

What I'm not sure about is what to do when I identify things happening. I'd noted 5 of these the other day (though many at much lower levels than when I broke down), so I'm concerned but I want to finish school, and I know once I do then my load average will go down.

In massage today, we spent almost the whole time in partner exchanges, which was wonderful. With all the stress, I just completely relaxed to the point of being spacey after coming off the table. I needed that in a big way; although there's stuff that needs to get done I feel more confident about dealing with it again.

39. Nasty soda

2006-05-16 19:21 (Tuesday) journal

Wegmans has green sour apple soda, so I decided to try some. It tastes like the little square Jolly Rancher candies. As candy, the taste is okay. As soda... no so much. Sort of sickeningly sweet mixed with sour. I don't recommend it.

The semester is almost over: my last nutrition test is tomorrow, my massage competency is on Thursday, and I have massage and physiology finals next week.

40. 2006-05-18 13:57 (Thursday) journal

happy Mood: happy

The massage competency went well, so I'm assured passing. The final will probably decide whether I get and A or B for the class.

pensive Mood: pensive

I'm at Spin Caffe right now, and just noting that there are 4 of us in here with laptops. Four out of four laptops are Apple machines, and I'm wondering what that mean about those of us who go to upscale coffee shops:

- We have more disposable income to afford something better?
- Our expectations / preferences for performance and friendliness
  is higher?
- There's a counter-culture nature to this joint (otherwise we'd be
  at Starbuck's), so maybe we're showing our preferences for the underdog
  in both cases?

Or maybe it's not totally uncommon. Maybe Apple has made bigger inroads into the laptop market, because the disparity between the prices for Apple vs. PC laptops is less than Apple vs. PC desktops? Whatever it is, it makes me curious.

41. 2006-05-23 18:31 (Tuesday) journal

I've been infested with the Banana Phone virus, damn you Jessica.

        Ring ring ring ring
        ring ring ring,
        Banana phone!

Why are stupid or crappy songs always the ones that get stuck in the head?

Sue, Amanda, and Sean came to Rochester this weekend and along with Dave we went to the Lilac Festival. It was chilly but nice, and we ran into Todd and Dana and caught up on each-others lives; they're doing well.

I'm not getting as much studying done as I'd like, I'm either at data saturation or discipline depletion, or maybe a little of both. I'll be going to visit Sue-tachi after I do my last final tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to having a rest from school.

42. Derailleur failure enroute to Toronto

2006-05-24 21:50 (Wednesday) journal

After about 10 hours of biking today, I made it to Lilly Valley Campground in Fort Erie, Ontario, Canada. The ride was gruelling; I've ridden similar distances before and been tired but the constant winds from the west added to the load. On the good side, Lilly Valley has a hot tub, which has made my muscles very happy.

Tomorrow morning I'll have to get started slowly, returning to the downtown area of Ft. Erie to hit a bike shop. I really like the Shimano bar-end shifters on my bike for convenience and performance, but they eat derailleur cables like mad. I replace them at least seasonally because they always fail in exactly the same way: the strands of the steel cable fray, one by one, in between the shift level and where the cable enters the cable housing. Eventually the cable fails, and I lose shifting capability. Loss of the front chain-ring shifter isn't bad; the rear range is pretty good and I lose the upper range. The back derailleur sucks to lose, because it locks into the highest gear so I've got no climbing or starting gears.

Anyway, the rear one failed today just as I was about to cross the Peace Bridge. Fucker.

But I made it, and I'm going to sleep good tonight.

43. 2006-05-25 09:51 (Thursday) journal

It's a late start today, since I slept about 10 hours and took time for another dip in the hot tub. I'm eating breakfast at a truck stop down the road, just next to the QEW; then it's back into Fort Erie to get the dereailleur cable fixed. I'm going to take the road along the Niagara river into Niagara Falls, then go west on Rt. 20 -- Lundy's Lane -- which goes into Hamilton via the escarpment; two separate people recommended that way as a nice drive. As I approach Hamilton, I'll drop down into the valley and grab Lakeshore Road into Burlington, and probably Go train from there -- I imagine I'll be tired and it'll be late in the day.

44. I made it to Toronto!

2006-05-25 23:25 (Thursday) journal

I made it! I arrived in Toronto around dusk this evening.

Thanks to Jan for being my 411 operator and getting the address for Lilly Valley since I'm retarded and didn't think to write it down or put it in my address book before leaving.

Thanks to all my little myocytes for putting up with two days of me beating the crap out of y'all. You guys rock. Now make some more actin and myosin.

Thanks to the friendly guy at the Burlington GO ticket counter. He noticed I didn't know what I was doing and was helpful, unlike the guy aboard the train who just yelled that I couldn't load my bike into to handicapped-accessible car (which was where the guy at the ticket counter suggested). I was annoyed by him; yes, I was doing the wrong thing, but he didn't have to be an asshole about it.

Anyhow...

I modified the planned route a little today; I looked at a map and using Lundy's Lane was out of the way so I took Rt. 25 to Welland and went up to 20 from there. The Welland Canal has been moved to bypass Welland, although the old canal still runs through the city. It's not usable; there's lots of low bridges crossing it, and the old lift bridge is in disrepair to the point of not being open to traffic.

I caught up with 20 some kilometers north of Welland, and wasn't too happy that it started out by going up pretty steep for a ways. In the end, though, it wasn't excessively far and there were two gorgeous views from the top -- one to the south, one to the north-east. I continued on 20 through Smithville, then came off the escarpment into Grimsby -- fun going down that hill -- and caught up with the Waterfront Trail into Burlington. I caught a GO train into Toronto, and choose a non-optimal route to Sue and Amanda's, but arrived safely.

Then we all went out and ate pasta.

In all, I think I did about 70 miles yesterday and another 110km today.

It's time for sleep.

45. Anime North 2006

2006-05-28 01:14 (Sunday) journal

happy Mood: happy

One of the impetus for my coming to Toronto on this particular weekend was Anime North, which started Friday and goes through Sunday. Dealing with it has made me realize a lot about myself...

I like anime. There's some cool stuff; insightful, romantic, philosophical, in ways that American shows just don't get. There's also plenty of crap, and the quality-to-crap ratio has deteriorated as Anime has gone mainstream and there's been more business case for translating more stuff. If you start off selecting the cream-of-the-crop, and you just keep working down from there, sooner or later you're hitting the cream-of-the-crap.

I think I've also changed. I'm restless, not wanting to be sitting down watching TV a lot -- or when I do, I want something in English, and not too deep, so it can be something I listen to in the background while I'm working. There isn't the time to devote to watching Anime.

So when it came to Anime North, I don't know if it's a matter of me growing up, or Anime North growing up that makes us not get along. Maybe a little of both.

The convention was fucking insane. Near an order of magnitude larger than it was 5 years ago. And it just wasn't fun anymore. I don't know most of the series that are popular, so most of the discussion groups don't apply. The things that I would get -- the Kotoko concert, Anime Music Videos, and the Masquerade -- were sold out, at capacity, or had insanely long lines that seemed to be queuing indefinitely. The line to just get registered was about 45 minutes.

Don't get me wrong; not everything sucked. I got to see a bit of some belly dancers, a singer named Lisa Rose from Buffalo, and some fun Anime improv by the 404s. I'm glad to see so many young people having fun, getting into the spirit with their improvised costumes. And though I'm not sure the Gothic Lolita thing is for me, it is fun (I'd probably just go Lolita, skip the Goth or save it for later). There was an art show (although much smaller than I expected), complete with someone's quite "realistic" Godzilla suit. (Realistic in the sense that it looked very close to the Godzilla in the movies.)

But even that brings up another thing that's changed: I'm aging. Like it or not, ready or not, I'm perceived as one of those Anime parents now. As a new crop of fans has appeared, I've aged to be outside the "you're one of us" crowd. I even got "Ms.'ed" once, which is kind of odd because as a tranny getting Ms.'ed is a big deal, a sign you're getting somewhere; but something slightly different was there this weekend that included the indication of respect for an elder, denying me as a peer.

This got me to thinking about how much I want to replace the teenage years I feel like I lost out on. I want more time to be able to do so, but it's clear that opportunity is ending. I have had some chance to replace lost time; Anime Central in 2000, Anime North 2001, going out dancing, being a free spirit at Starwood, and stuff like that. I think the reality is, though, that I will never be able to sufficiently replenish the missing experiences enough to satisfy my desires.

At some point, I imagine I'll have to go through grieving for the time I didn't get or something stupid like that.

Anyhow, the con sucked so I gave up on it about 13:00 today, so I wandered back to a random person in the registration line and gave my pass to them, then left and did other things.

I've got tickets to 2 shows at the GLBTIQ film festival, the last shows of which are running tomorrow. I also checked out Urbane bike shop on John street, which is about one-third the size of Towner's but much, much cooler. They even have a selection of Recumbents, although Bicycle Man still has a better selection -- of course, he's in the middle of the freaking nowhere that is Alfred Station; Urbane is conveniently located in the middle of a city I'd like to live in.

Next, I looked into some apartments in the St. James area, and holy crap are they tiny. $CAD 720/month gets me a 400 sq. ft. apartment, although that includes heat and hot water. I knew they would be small, but I don't think I fully grasped how small that really is until I stood in the demo model. There was a disconnect in the communications, too; this was the smallest this one building had but they were explaining that this was larger than many in the area. Damn! Anyway, there will be more researching and comparing on Monday.

I came back and soaked in a hot tub for a while; the superior part of the calcaneus tendon (or is it the lower part of triceps crural?) is swollen from all the biking. I'll have to lay off it for a few days and let it recover.

I wanted to get some dinner, so I walked east on Bloor until I found a place with some nice jazz playing, and I had penne paste with vodka sauce. Not as good as the one at Veneto in Rochester -- theirs is exceptional -- but okay. I continued east and ran into a this guy, Jaffey (no relation to JAF, thankfully; I would have had to ABEND all Toronto plans had he been) who is a Muslim guy who lives in the Korean district and has been here 8 years. We went to a coffee shop and talked for a while. He's very spiritual about his faith -- I learned a bunch, an opportunity I'm glad for. He also talked about his experience here, a little, which just adds more confirmation that Canada isn't the paranoid, pseudo-wanna-be-Christian nation like the US.

Then I got on a subway and came home to snugly kitties Amanda and Sue.

46. 2006-05-31 01:49 (Wednesday) journal

It's been a good time in Toronto. I spent some time with Sonja on Monday, visited the poly social at the Artful Dodger, wandered through High Park a bit, and went out for Turkish with Amanda and Sean to Anatolia. Tomorrow I return home, although I'm still not decided fully on cycling home or another route. CSX dumped a train outside of Amsterdam, NY, so the Amtrak Maple Leaf probably won't be running. I'll check when I get up in the morning; I really prefer the train to bus.

47. 2006-06-09 23:56 (Friday) journal

Incidentally, the train was running the next day so I took the train. Yay!

I've started Java class now, which is pretty easy so far... hopefully we'll start moving faster. It's "Java for programmers", but that includes people who have no object experience, a factor that seems to be slowing us down. On the other hand, I never got the big deal about objects, they're just like structures except you get functions that go with them.

Anyhow, I've been tinkering with Java and wrote my first program: a Sudoku resolver. For now, the puzzle is hard-coded (we haven't covered the I/O library). I've thought about writing one for a while, so I'm glad I finally had an excuse. It seems to work effectively; it completes the "hard" puzzle I put in with two iterations (plus a spare iteration to determine it's done) in less than a second real-time, using about a quarter-second CPU time.

And for the record, it's not my Jack that chases bears up trees.

48. 2006-06-12 16:44 (Monday) journal

Java enumerated types are very strange, and I'm hoping my Java book gets here soon and that it'll have a better explanation than the Sun documentation. It does an interesting and seemingly useful thing: enums aren't just integers, when declared they form a class of their own. If you toString() an enum, you get the element name -- very handy for clarity and for long-term storage. But all that extra feature makes them behave slightly strangely, and hard to wrap my head around (it'll probably turn out it's a really simple, unrelated stupid that I'm running into).

I'm also surprised by the final keyword, which replaces the more traditional const. The idea is that at, say, instantiation you can set something and then it's constant for that instance of the object. So, yeah, I guess I can buy the difference.

I was an irresponsible girl recently and went searching for Sailor Fukus on the internet again (I guess some advertising does work: I think I was inspired by the JList advertising on SomethingAwful.

I went on a bill-paying spree today, and I'm mostly paid up again. I also picked up tickets to the Preview of Champions, a DCA drum corps event that's coming up. It seems to be a fundraiser for the Empire Statesmen; the Flower City Open, which is a fundraiser for the RochesterCrusaders, seems to be missing this year. I also found out the DCA championships are happening in Rochester, at our new PAETEC Park... maybe this will work out better than Frontier Field, and we'll have championships here more than once.

Now my circuit is complete, I'm hanging out on Gibbs Street outside Java's, listening to some Jazz. There's a high school group which is okay, but the acoustics or miking is bad. They did a version of the Average White Band's, classic Pick up the Pieces, and the backing was great but none of the solos were enunciated the way they should be. Then again, this is a free thing so the Jazz Fest doesn't care about it; it's just to appease the folks like me who have been priced out of the market to actually attend paid venues. Okay, so that may or may not be true; it could just be a bit of my bitterness showing through.

49. Java enum solution

2006-06-13 00:03 (Tuesday) journal

As predicted, my Java enum problem was a simple, somewhat unrelated problem: When using enumerated types, you can't put parenthesis around the case value in Java. So:

        switch (fish) {
                case TROUT:
                        // do something
                        break;
        }

will work, but changing line 2 to 'case (TROUT):' will not. I'm not sure where my habit of enclosing case values in parenthesis came from... Pascal? No, not Pascal, but it's interesting to find out that I don't have a single Pascal book in the house. It's also neat to see that there's what looks to be a modern, evolving, multi-platform, open-source Pascal compiler available.

I guess that's a habit that needs to be broken then.

50. Fetish goodness

2006-06-14 13:02 (Wednesday) journal

excited! Mood: excited!
blue sailor fuku

Yatta, yatta! I ordered two sailor fuku dresses last week from ebay::chrispy_nz, and they arrived today. The stitching and assembly seem good, although unexpectedly the ribbons are sewn in to the blouse. This is fine with me, though; they are still hand-tied into a bow and have the right look. I had to spend awhile practicing bow-tying before I got them to look anywhere near correct.

I ordered two, one in navy blue and one in pink for when I'm feeling ultra-girlie. Now I've just got to find an event where I can wear them. Hmmm, JazzFest...

I considered going up to Toronto this weekend for the T.A.G. munch and Gaylaxicon, but the time and finances don't work out well. Alas, Sue and Amanda won't be in Toronto next weekend so I won't be able to make it up for Pride Toronto either.

51. 2006-06-15 01:37 (Thursday) journal

It's a gorgeous night here in Rochester... 18 C, waxing gibbous moon framed by patchy clouds, mostly calm with the occasional of mild wind. After getting dinner at SPoT Coffee, I went out to the Rochester International Jazz Festival this evening. There was a good groove band playing the free stage, and the acoustics weren't as bad as the other day. I followed that up with the only paid venue I'll be attending this year for a group up from Louisiana, Papa Grows Funk. Their guy on guitar is amazing. Santana kind of good. I finished off the evening at the open jam at the Crown Plaza.

They still didn't thank the festival attendees when they promoted the cheese. I also noticed the people serving weren't real wait-staff, they were festival volunteers... I hope they were working in trade for tickets to shows or something, because if they're not getting compensated in some form then there's problems with that on so many levels: taking a job away from someone, festival abusing volunteers, to start.

In local news, Rochester is considering what to do with the old subway bed, formerly the Erie canal bed. One of the plans, highest on the list according to a front-page article in the D&C today, is to convert it back into a canal, complete with connection to the Genesee River and two locks to make it functional. I'm sorry, but that just seems like a really horrible waste of money; I just can't see the revitalizing effect of restoring the canal to be worth the amount of investment necessary to make it happen. It would be very neat, a kind of cool that you could take a boat into the middle of the city. Realistically, though, how many people will ever use it? I can't imagine many, although I can see the romanticism of the idea bringing some housing into the area (but still not enough). Then there's the bridges... Are we going to install 4 or 5 new lift bridges into Rochester? Or would stationary bridges be built at second-floor level all the way down Broad street? Better yet, we could put stationary ones at ground level and have a completely unusable, but fully functional, money pit called a canal in the middle of Rochester. This seems like a very ill-conceived plan.

52. Strange, meaningless meme

2006-06-15 13:09 (Thursday) journal

There's this meme at www.rdos.net that looked interesting, so I took the test. It resulted in:

        Your Aspie score: 90 of 200
        Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 100 of 200
        You are more neurotypical than Aspie
        Your dyslexia / dyscalculia score: 75 of 200
        Your nonverbal IQ-test score: 18 of 18

As is often the case, now I've got this information and I don't know what it means. What are average or expected results? What are good or bad aspects to the results? What are the units? In addition, the surveys are usually quite time-consuming to get such a simplistic set of results. I suppose that's why I usually ignore memes; they seem like an internet version of kitsch.

53. Visit to the Memorial Art Gallery

2006-06-18 23:30 (Sunday) journal

It's been a couple of brutally hot days in Rochester, but I've been biking around regardless -- I've probably put in around 70km in the last two days. Legs are tired, but it's good.

Dave and I went to the Memorial Art Gallery for the opening of the second Rochester Biennial exhibit. As is often the case, I didn't understand a lot of it. There were a few pieces that were interesting or appealing, but when I hear the art-snobs talking it's clear either they're just talking the appropriate Art Jargon to make it sound like they know what they're talking about, or I just don't get it.

Anyhow, we wandered around some other areas, including the second floor gallery where they had some folks playing antique organ, which sounds pretty good. I had a chance to really look at some of the statues on the second floor, several of which are nude or semi-nude women which are very well-crafted and do appeal to me.

We also went through the Robert Marx exhibit, Considering the Voluntary Absence of God. Basically, the guy collected several excellent quotes commenting on religion and its social effects; the quotes came from various well-known literary works or people. He put one on each page, and drew some pictures to go with them. I don't really get the images he drew, but the quotes were well-selected and thought-provoking. Some quotes I'd seen before, some not.

The last exhibit we looked at was Wendell Castle in Rochester, which features works of Wendell Castle, a professor from RIT. The pieces were beautifully crafted, often inspired by functional uses. Which seems odd: why build a beautifully crafted bench if not to sit on it? If you're not going to sit in it, why make it a bench?

54. Silent Hill

2006-06-21 21:10 (Wednesday) journal

I went out with Dar and Curtis today to see Silent Hill, which with its rating of 6.6 I was expecting to be a cheesy horror film. Far from it! Going in, I didn't realize this was a movie of a video game, but it still held up -- maybe more-so, because I didn't have any preconceived expectations of the plot. Thus, I quickly began to see the story as an allegory for how we decide what's real or not, what's right and wrong; how our expectations and prejudices shape our perceptions, how we're unable to see in ourselves the flaws we find in others, and how faith (especially organized religions) can define how people see outsiders and even how those outsiders see and define themselves.

There were some minor continuity glitches and such, and there were weird camera angles and pans -- in retrospect, these were 3-D God-Cam views and other shots (presumably) typical of the game.

If you're looking for a horror film with some substance, I strongly recommend this one. I think this is probably the best horror film I've ever seen. And it's got some really creepy shit too.

55. 2006-06-29 16:21 (Thursday) journal

I've been thinking about the myriad of quiz memes out there, wondering what other people think of them. Some are cute or fun, but often they measure how we perceive ourselves, not what we actually are. Do they just tell us what we want to hear, or maybe expect to hear, about ourselves? Maybe the handful I've done has been enough to make me bored with the idea, and I'm losing interest and wondering why others haven't.

Meanwhile, my left thumb is healing after having sliced it open last Friday while making chili for a cook-out. I removed the two outer-most stitches, as the wound has healed there. I've found it fascinating how I've adapted to the reduced function of the thumb, learning to grip things differently. Losing my opposable digit was annoying for the first day or two, but now I function pretty well despite the limited use.

I'm finally getting off my ass and painting the foyer. It's partially complete, and looking much better.

Carissa and I have been in discussion about the future of our friendship; I've been frustrated by her pseudo-intellectual e-mails that use a lot of big words, but are riddled with spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. And trying to figure out what she's trying to say... *Grrr*.

56. Busy weekend

2006-07-02 01:43 (Sunday) journal

tired Mood: tired

It's been a fun, if quite busy, weekend. And it's not over yet.

Thursday after class I went to get a bite at Spin Caffe, then went and hung with the Drinking Liberally folks at Monty's Corner. I was fascinated with the overlap between me and the new people I met there; one showed BDSM knowledge (used the term "pain slut"), one made an implication of having done sex work, and there was something else but I've forgotten.

Jayce was also there, and afterwards we went out and listened to some bands he recommended which was cool. kage and lori married

Friday I did a few things around the house before going to Kage & Lori's wedding. Things there ran until about 21:00, when I changed into my new sailor fuku and went to a fetish/sex party at Vertex. The music was okay, and I danced a lot but still felt out of place until finding people outside playing with a flogger. One girl was looking for some play, so I offered and got permission to use the flogger and did a little spanking. She seemed to be a pain slut, and really wanted more; I couldn't deliver the pain level she wanted with that flogger. But, it broke the ice and I ended up acquainting with some of that group. I found out a lot of them liked the sailor dress, so I guess I wasn't as out-of-place as I felt. I need to get out like this more, be more sociable rather than staying home in fear of rejection... which only ensures I'll be lonely.

I got home around 03:00, and crashed until about 10 when I got up and finished burning a disc for my friend Gerry, who needed some Quicktime videos converted to Windows Media. While waiting for the burn, I took the opportunity to leave several minutes of music on some company's voice-mail; they're a brick-and-mortar flag company that's been spamming me about their fourth of July flag sale. I explained that I objected to their use of unsolicited bulk e-mail, why it was unethical, and that I hope others similarly call them so the use of their 800 number adds up and provides incentive to stop using such unethical promotion schemes.

Afterwards, I had lunch with Gerry while delivering the disc, then ran off to give Kevin and Lori their wedding present (drum corps tickets and a full body massage each). Afterwards, we at a quick bite at Empire Hots before heading to the drum corps show that was in Rochester tonight.

I hope to sleep well tonight. Tomorrow Melanie is hosting a dinner which Dave and I will be attending; I imagine it will be fun.

To keep me busy, the home automation server is low on space -- I went by Record Archive and bought several discs earlier this week (it's amazing how different my purchasing habits are at $5 versus $12 for a CD) which maxed out the file-system. I went scrounging in and found a log-file and some other crap that I got rid of and managed to just squeeze everything in with 50 MB to spare.

57. Leaf blowers

2006-07-05 15:42 (Wednesday) journal

cranky Mood: cranky

Leaf blowers: they'd be bad enough if people just used them in the autumn, but it seems once someone gets one they are inspired to use it as often as they can, for everything they can think of. Things like spending 20 minutes every week to blow dust off a driveway. If you're one of these people, then as your neighbour, take a few minutes to listen to my perspective.

Your machine makes a really annoying whine for very little gain. As your neighbour, I really don't care about the dust on your drive. I just want the neighbourhood to be clean, quiet, and safe. If your lawn is mowed, there's no junk or litter in your yard, and you make an effort to keep your house in good repair then you've fulfilled your part of the unwritten neighbourly contract. Waking to the electric howl of your leaf blower isn't pleasant, and neither is trying to listen to a good Thomas Dolby album with that racket going on. Please, just stop.

You can cut back on the weed-whacking and sidewalk-edging too. Honestly, it doesn't need to be done weekly. Edge the sidewalk once a year, and do a quick weed-whack occasionally if you feel the need -- again, you needn't get every last plant; the rest of us have a greater appreciation for peace and quiet than for your successful obliteration of every unplanned growing thing.

Thanks.

58. Radiophonic attempt #1... so far, so good

2006-07-06 01:59 (Thursday) journal

Several months ago I saw a documentary on the BBC Radiophonic Workshop, and I've been intrigued by the idea of Radiophonic music since then. Since then, I've been collecting some train sounds with the intention of making something from them. Tonight, I sat down with Sound Studio and made something. It's certainly far from being done, but I've managed to assemble an interesting rhythm.

So far, my sound sources are:

- A freight train sounding its horn and then beginning movement.
- Rail stress ringing.  In this case, ringing of the rail as a
  train approaches.  Newly installed rail spontaneously makes similar
  noises for a few days.
- Slow-moving cars moving over jointed rail.  This is the "main" rhythm.
- A slow-moving engine making air-release hisses; this is the high-hat
  or shaker-like noise.

I think I'm at the point where I need to either collect more sounds, or figure out how to to write a melody to put over the rhythm track. I don't have a good feeling about how to proceed from here.

barella.org

The other thing going on is that my region of Rochester smells like the sanitizer they use to hose down porta-potties. I first smelled it earlier today while having lunch at the new deli at Hampden and Humboldt, and I'm getting a whiff of it every now and then tonight. I'd really like to know why it smells like this.

59. Sounds of all kinds

2006-07-10 21:46 (Monday) journal

Sonja has put me on to Pandora, a music service that generates custom stations based on highly-detailed gestalts of a persons musical likes and dislikes. Imagine a Bayesian filter applied to musical interest. I've played with it for about an hour, throwing it about 10 data points from all edges of my interest (Spyro Gyra, George Benson, J. Geils, Lords of Acid, Psykosonik and a couple of others), and it's managing to throw together a pretty good mix of stuff that I like, most of which I haven't heard before (although I recognize a few of the Jazz musicians it's choosing from WGMC.

The downside of it is that it only carries music that's been "genetically" analysed, which means a lot of cool locals aren't on there: Colorblind James Experience, Harvey Band, Joe Deninzon and Stratospheerius aren't known. Heck, the don't even know Apotheosis, a staple of early-90's Rave/electronic music.

If they could buff out the collection, this could be a good replacement for Beldandi... certainly the cost of $36 yearly access (the advertising-free cost) would beat the cost of buying as many CDs as are worthy of purchase each year.

One open question is how "deep" are their collections: do they have artists' full discography, or just the best of albums? Doing the free sample for a while, or maybe a 3-month subscription, can answer this.

More and more, the network is the computer. And the backup server, and the media cabinet... It is good.

Earlier today I got around to installing a new transformer for the new doorbell I installed while painting the foyer. Well, I say new; it's been in the basement since who knows when. I never remember buying it, so it may have been leftover from prior owners. The existing transformer was a 8V unit, so it just made one 'pom' tone; now the 16V transformer is in place it goes 'pin-pom' like it should. This is much less aggravating than the industrial ringing bell sound of the old doorbell, and it features a distinguished side-door chime too (one chime instead of two). Yay home improvement!

The last sound-related thing is that I went out to Tilt which was holding a party to celebrate the end of Pride week in Rochester. Their sound system is fantastic, and the DJ that was spinning was technically very qualified -- he blended the songs skilfully. However, they were bent on groove trance dance stuff that really didn't inspire me... the thought passed through my mind of a talentless RIAA executive hammering out some soulless, repetitive crap to sell to the masses. It didn't inspire many other people either, although there were starting to be a few people dancing when I left around midnight.

I got a present! today, from Jan, called, "Eats Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation" I am now wondering if my grahammer and, punctuation is so horrible, that he is gifting me with this book: so I can-upgrade my /\/\/-\|> L33T writing 5|<!|_|_Z p3R! R|_|LZ U ALL SUCK

Right, I better go and get exorcised of the spirit of BIFF and script-kiddie, and feed the cat before he chews through Mugenshi's power cable.

60. Java and Dubble Stuff

2006-07-13 23:26 (Thursday) journal

We finally got into some "meat" in Java class, which I'm pleased about. We went over a little bit of Java GUI programming with Swing and ATW and even built a simple application that displayed text files.

I'm not sure how I feel about the class and the instructor. He's a nice guy, but he seems a little disorganized -- he neither stays on schedule with the syllabus, nor makes notes or remembers clearly what we've gone over. His idea of extreme programming seems a little off, too; shooting from the hip and then re-factoring is not all there is to it. In one of our in-class development examples, he used a nested class so it could share data with the parent -- pretty much for all the reasons that global variables are tempting, and many of the dangers as well. Maybe it's because time is limited, but he doesn't seem to acknowledge there's anything wrong or that the sample isn't representative of Good Code.

I tend to work along with class, but code my own way, trying out ideas of my own as I go. At the end of class, I had a project that did the same thing, only didn't use any nested classes (though one class had some public instance variables which should have been private and had accessor functions, but time was limited). I think my variables were named better, too (none of that f*cking Bavarian crap).

I did the second project yesterday, and that was much more reasonable than the first one. Not that I'd call it difficult, but it did require me to look up some classes in the Nutshell book. Okay, so maybe it seemed reasonable because I built it to interpret multi-term equations rather than only single-term equations, which wasn't explicitly made clear in the specification but it certainly didn't look like it needed it. But what's the fun if there's no challenge?

After class I went to SPoT and had a chicken focaccia while checking the evening's activities. I was heading off to (finally) see the Filthy Funk, but heard some good sounds of Dubble Stuff coming out of Gibbs Street as I went by. A funk/fusion jazz band, I really enjoyed their sound so I stayed and had a kinky reggae from Java's while listening. Thus, I continue to be a Filthy Funk virgin.

61. A parable

2006-07-20 11:53 (Thursday) journal

Three men are driving down three separate roads concurrently: a flaming leftist, a wack-job righty, and a scientist. Presently, soccer balls appear from behind hedge-rows planted along the roads and enter the roadway a short distance ahead of each of the three men.

The leftist screams, "Oh my GOD!" as he screeches to a halt, metal grinding as he slams the transmission into reverse and guns the engine trying to stop faster. He jumps our of the car, grabs the tire-iron from the trunk and starts tearing the car apart while yelling about how dangerous cars are, how they kill children, and that the human race must immediately cease using cars and go back to walking and horseback.

The righty guy thinks to himself, "Huh, a ball. There is no credible evidence showing that a ball entering the roadway increases any level of risk. Besides, that may just be a sun-dog caught off my windscreen." He continues forward, his driving unaffected.

The scientist lets off the accelerator and gently applies the brakes, slowing his movement as he approaches the hedgerow. He realizes that while the ball is not definitive evidence that a child will scurry out from behind the hedgerow to retrieve his ball, it is evidence if increased probability that this may happen. He pays extra attention to the area near the hedgerow as he approaches, looking for confirmation that it's safe to proceed, prepared to stop should it be necessary.

This is how I see the US behaving on global warming, with all too few people taking the scientist's viewpoint. There is something going on, but the right-wingers deny it outright or declare there's no evidence that we're the cause of it and therefore we can throw caution to the wind and keep doing what we're doing. The left-wingers at least acknowledge something is going on and we need to pay attention, but go overboard with prophecies of doom and make the issue seem ridiculous. As a scientist, I think caution is in order and we should be taking immediate steps to reduce the contributions we might be making while concurrently gathering more data to determine just what our contribution is -- but truthfully, I don't know at this point if it's our fault, or if it's a natural process that would be happ