Perette I. Barella

Perette is usually spelled with an i - Pierette. I didn't spell it that way. I wanted to retain alphabetic order with my old name, so I left the i out. The nice thing is that now I've got an i leftover, so I can use it elsewhere - say, as a middle initial.

The middle initial i is kind of neat. The middle initial i means you can make up stories about huge things. Like a guy who was exposed to radiation and becomes huge and goes nuts. Or a lizard that becomes huge for no apparent reason and ravages towns.

So I've got this extra letter i, and I'm going to use it as a middle initial, so I suppose I should write a story about something getting huge and going berserk, just like our friend Bert. I'll call it

The Huge Kazanth

a feature-length movie by Perette I. Barella.

This guy is walking through a field. He pulls a berry from a bush an eats it. Unbeknownst to him, the bush is a secret uranium bush being developed by the US government. He goes home and goes to sleep.

He awakes feeling cramped. He wiggles and destroys the house because he's now huge. "I'm Huge!", he exclaims. A woman passing by drops her groceries, covers her ears with hands, and screams a lot.

The guy walks to his neighbors giant potty and takes what Joe Laforna would describe as a "serious power dump." He pushes the diving board to flush it, and finding the plumbing clogged up, picks up a nearby oil refinery and begins unwelding the city's pipes in an attempt to fix the plumbing.

"We must stop him", says the mayor.

"But how?", says the sheriff.

"We could make him stub his toe", says a boy passing through the conference room.

"That's it! It's a crazy plan, but it just might work!", exclaims the sheriff.

The plan was in action. A bulldozer is loaded on a flatbed trailer. The heroic person who had never appeared before this point climbs into the truck and drives off with the bulldozer and flatbed.

He drives around. Suddenly he sees the huge guy, who is still unnamed. He pulls the E-break and power slides the 18 wheeler around, then slams it into reverse. Wheels squeal across the dirt. He floors it and slams the bulldozer blade into the big guy's big toe.

"Doe!", yells the big guy, and falls to the ground.

"Yep, that should do it", says the sheriff. "If a normal toe stubbing hurts for as long as it does, a giant toe stubbing like that should hurt for a the remainder of his natural life. He'll never walk again."

"At least not until his natural death", says the mayor.

"Dum dum dum", says the dramatic music. "The End" appears on the screen, end of film.

Okay, it's a little short, but hey, with a little padding, some rock climbing, car chases, and bulldozer being loaded onto the flatbed scenes, it should work out to be a good, wholesome feature-length movie. And after all, that's the way Bert would do it.