Why I hate automated call routing systems

October 1998

I'm in the process of buying a house, and as a result, I get to call up all my utility companies, credit companies, and other service providers to provide them with my new address. So I call up the gas company, and I get the auto-attendant. It says:

Thank you for calling Rochester Gas & Electric. To better serve your needs, please select from the following menu. To speak to our corporate operator, you may press 0 at any time. If you have a rotary phone, please stay on the line and you will be connected with an operator.

About 12 seconds into the call so far, and it's babbling a bunch of useless $#!+ that I already know. It continues for another 12 seconds:

"If this is an emergency, please press 1. If your electricity is out, or to check the status of a previously reported outage, press 2. To make payment arrangements on a past due account, press 3. To enter meter reads or listen to automated account information, press 4. To speak to a customer service representative, press 5."

Finally, I know what I want. I press 5, and it brings me to a new menu:

"If you are moving, and would like to start or stop billing, please press 1. Otherwise, please stay on the line and a customer service representative will be with you shortly."

I press 1. It quickly - thank Goddess it actually manages to do something quickly, if you ignore the last 30 seconds worth of menus I had to go through to get here - connects me to a person:

"Rochester Gas & Electric, how many I help you?"
"I'm moving, and need to move service to a new address."
"Okay, one moment, I'll transfer you to that department."

This was my first real proof that automated call routing devices are just annoying pieces of $#!+ that prevent you from talking to the person who actually knows what you want. I've suspected this for a long time, but never paid enough attention to be certain.

To further back up my findings, I get to call the water company. I found the number in the "1998 Official Rochester White Pages", blue pages section. In category "Monroe, County Of; Environmental Servs; Pure Waters", I find options for administration, billing-Rochester, billing-suburban, industrial waste, sewer maintenance, and treatment plants. Each of these has it's own number, and treatment plants even gets some sub-categories of it's own. But I'm looking for billing, within the city of Rochester, so I called the uniquely assigned number for billing- Rochester. I get an auto attendant:

"You've reached the Monroe County Environmental Services, which encompasses the environment management council, pure waters, sewer maintenance, and solid waste. To assist with serving you in an efficient manner, please select from the following options."

Like always, the first thing the the blasted device does is to explain to me - in a long-winded manner - who I am calling. It continues in the long-winded manner, listing options for me:

For sewer related problems, sewer backups, flooding, loose or missing manhole covers, or catch basins, please press 1. For billing information, please press 2. For household hazardous waste..."

While it babbles on, I press 2. It states:

"You have selected billing. If you are calling regarding a property located within the city of Rochester, please press 1. If you are calling regarding a property located in a suburb, press 2. If you are calling about a solid waste transfer facility..."

I press 1, selecting billing for the city of Rochester for the second time because dialing the correct phone number apparently isn't enough for them to be certain I really wanted billing for water in the city of Rochester. It connects me to an operator. I explain that I am purchasing a piece of property, and need to set up billing. The operator proceeds to ask if the property is located within the city of Rochester. I tell her it is. In an annoyed tone, she explains that I am calling the wrong number, and I have to call the city water people because the property is located within the city. She asks how I had I got this number anyway. I explain that I am calling the number listed in the phone book for water billing for the city, and that I'd like it if she could give me the correct number. She does, and then transfers me to the correct extension.

I find myself wondering: Why does my tax and utility money go to buy these expensive call routing systems, that clearly don't do anything useful. All they do is cost me money, and waste my time by making me deal with an impersonal, incompetent piece of misconfigured electronic garbage. These systems could easily be eliminated and calls simply routed directly to the human operator, who ends up routing the call after the automated call router wastes a sufficient quantity of the caller's time.

In this technological society, a lot of people wonder how and why Amish people would choose to live such a primitive life. We've got all these labor-saving devices that we've constructed to make life better and easier for us, and we're inventing more all the time. I find myself wondering how true this is:

• Xerox made it easy for us to make copies. In the old days, a couple of copies were made and circulated - everyone initialed that they'd seen something and passed it on. Is being able to make an individual copy of some stupid memo all that important? What about the millions of additional trees that were harvested to make paper for all those copies?
• Federal Express provided us with overnight delivery. Before Fed-Ex, did people just account for delivery taking a few days? Are we better off just having the expectation that we can have stuff shipped to us tomorrow?
• Is the latest release of Microsoft Word all that much better than my old copy of Sprint or PFS-Write? I don't remember either of them ever crashing on me.
• Is that automated call router really saving my time and the time of the company I'm calling, or is it just pissing me off and wasting my time?
• Is my car all that much better than a horse? Horses don't run on fossil fuels, nor do they contribute to the greenhouse effect.
• Is medical science such a great thing, given that it overrides a lot of natural selection and allows us to over-populate the Earth in an uncontrolled manner?

I guess in the end, I like technology. I just wish we didn't always use it for such stupid $#!+.