Encyclopaedia Titanica, for the Looneys Hack Show, Episode 2 : bricks
(Modified release - release 2) length: 1:31
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kid	Remember me?  I'm the kid who had the report due on the
	Soviet Union economic situation.

vo	How'd you do?

kid	D minus.  I would have done worse, but my teacher felt
	sorry for me.  I found all kinds of great information, but
	unfortunately, I bought my Encyclopaedia a year ago and
	it's already out of date.  Kinda sad, really.
	
vo	Why is that?

kid	Partly because I always wanted to be a secret agent embezzeler.
	You know, stealing funds from the Soviet government, then
	trying to sneak back to the United States via checkpoint
	charley.  But mainly because I
	just spent four hundred dollars plus tax purchasing a copy
	of the Encyclopaedia titanica.

vo	You too can own books which will be out of date within
	a year by ordering the Encyclopaedia Titanica today.

kid	I knew you'd turn this into a demotion sooner or later.
	Encyclopaedia Titanica has information on a wide range
	of topics.  Ever wonder about how transsexual operations
	were performed?

vo	Well, actually, no.

kid	And look at this great before and after pictures.
	[video insert pictures of naked people, censor genitals.]
	But Titanica doesn't just cover events and places, it
	has people.  Every wonder what some of the most beautiful
	hookers who ever lived look like?  Just look under
	prostitution.  Open wide.
	[video insert pictures of women, censored]

vo	Ah.  Very nice.

kid	Read your line.

vo	Right.  And that's not all you can look at in the
	Encyclopaedia Titanica.

kid	Can we get that 1-900 number?
	[put on number]
	Right on cue.  Tell 'em about the special offer.

vo	Just for viewing Titanica in your home, you'll get this
	set of gift certificates to spend three hours in a
	whorehouse with a partner of your choice.  These gift
	certificates are redeemable at finer 'houses everywhere,
	and are absolutely free.  Just pick up the phone and
	call.

kid	Don't pressure.  If they're horny, they'll call.

vo	I guess you're right.  Encyclopaedia Titanica.