How to Identify different types of Roadkill, for the Looney's
Hack Show, Episode 2: Dead things

Title:	How to identify different types of roadkill.
	(fade to person in car.  Camera held by camera person in
	passenger seat.)
Caption: Fred H. Meyerhex- DORC
	(Department of Roadkill Control)
Driver:	Well, the easiest way to find roadkill is to just take a 
	drive around until you see some lying in the road.  In
	the summer there is usually abundant supplies of roadkill,
	however, in the winter, you do have to look hard at times.
Camera:	How long have you been identifying roadkill?
Driver:	Well, that depends on what you mean.  I've been able to identify
	roadkill since I was a kid, but I never did it professionally
	until 3 years ago when I got this job.
Camera:	What type of person does it take to identify roadkill?
Driver:	Well, you've got to have a tough stomach.  I've tried to
	train a couple of friends to id roadkill, and after we've
	stopped at Chloresterol Queen for a bite to eat, they can't
	keep it down.  First thing they do when they go to i.d. a kill,
	they throw it up all over - makes it even harder to identify
	a messy kill.  Another thing you've got to have is a -- Oh,
	there's a kill now.  On the left hand shoulder over that way.
	(points)
	(pulls over)
	(cut; driver is approaching kill, camera is following.)
	(insert DORC caption again)
Driver:	(pulls out camera, gets pictures)
	We need a few pictures for the records.  
	First thing to i.d'ing is to get a good look at the kill.
	Take a look at how _much_ there is to the kill.  You can
	get an idea of what is was from the amount of guts there are
	splattered across the pavement.  You've also got to take into
	account how long it's been there - if it looks old, it was
	probably larger, but some of it's been chowed by maggots and
	things.

	Next you look for recognizable parts.  Bones are especially
	good for this if the kill has been around a while, since
	nothing eats the bones.  This one's a tough one, you see,
	because it's been run over so much.  The bones are all
	destroyed, and it looks like it's been around a while.

	Next step is to take a good whiff.  You can usually tell a
	roadkill expert because they'll usually know what it is before
	they whiff it.  (sniffs)  But an expert will always whiff it.
	Just to make sure they're right.  Someone who claims they're
	an expert but doesn't whiff doesn't know what they're talking
	about.  Trying to impress someone.  Someone who is serious
	about I.D'ing kill will always do the whiff.

	If you still can't identify it from the whiff, you've got
	to take a sample and send it in for gene analysis.  The
	Department doesn't like to thought, it's expensive.  We
	avoid it as much as possible, but occasionally it's necessary.
	(drop levels; start audio for credits)
	I think this kill here's got to go in to the lab.
	(fade; start scroll)

Voiceover: Different types of Roadkill.
	(fade in object)  Number one: The <object>.  (delay; fade out)
	(fade in object)  Number two: The <object>.  (delay; fade out)
	(repeat)
	(fade in nail)  Number <#>: The nail.  (delay; pan to person
	changing tire down road.)
	Object List (12 items, 10 seconds each):
		 1- Puffin (or Energizer bunny)
		 2- Nail
		 3- Larch
		 4- stuffed <animal>
		 5- A cameraperson
		 6- Videocamera
		 7- videotape
		 8- Bottle of ketchup
		 9- A slab of orange jello
		10- This space intentionally left blank
		11- A sky-blue Folga Du-Line classic spatula
		12- A bunch of rotten vegetables