The Real World of Driving Written by Perette Barella Kevin Brayton Intro Title sequence Cars driving, all taken from different strange angles. Cut quickly. Alternative-style music runs in background. SHOT Cut between hosts walking to/getting in car. Music quiets down while they speak. Dan Yo dude. Welcome to this week's show, The Real World of Driving. Samantha Hi. Today we're going to be talking about how to drive. Justin Now, we all know how our parents "drive". But let's face it, no one drives that way. Dan Not if they want uberbabes, anyway. SHOT Bring up music bed, do more shots of cars, our hosts driving. Signage Quickly cut through many different signs, stop on canoe w/ ducks one and put up text of "Signage". Samantha Knowing about the signs on the road is important. There are many of them, and they all have different meanings. They are easy to remember though - it's just like remembering all the logos from your favorite bands. Dan Take slippery when wet. There's one now. That one is taken directly off the title from a Bon Jovi album. Okay, it doesn't look like the Bon Jovi logo, but the words are the same. Justin Speed limit signs. They are those annoying signs with the numbers. There's 4 things you need to remember about speed limit signs. One, you can travel at least 15 miles faster than the sign without getting a speeding ticket. Two, if you have a radar detector, ignore these. You can go, say, 5 times the speed rated on the sign without a problem. Take your car to it's limits, after all, that's why they made the car go that fast. Three, these signs can be quite amusing with a few letters missing. Say an S and a D. SHOT Samantha runs up and covers S & D. Justin Last, these make great and cheap dorm room decorations. Dan Rail Road crossing signs. These are to inform you that there is a jump installed in the road ahead. Floor it and catch some air. Samantha Some rail road crossings have these flashing Christmas-like lights. These are to let you know that there's a large train that wants to play chicken with you. If you don't get across soon enough, the train will beat you and you'll have to wait for it. Dan To make it even more of a challenge, some rail road crossings have these windshield bashers that come down before the train gets there. You must avoid these, as they will destroy your windshield, and avoid the train. Samantha The deer ahead sign is an indicator that you may encounter live food ahead. Some say that Venison tastes a little gamey, but personally, I rather like it. For the price of a used Ford Escort, a good supply of fresh deer meat is a good deal. Justin Deaf child in area signs are good things. Some deaf people do listen to music, and they really crank the bass so they can feel it. If you hear the music cranking, consider stopping and joining the party. Dan Do not enter. This is the establishment trying to keep you down. Don't let 'em do it, fight back by ignoring the sign. lane designation signs (at traffic lights) These are designed for emergency vehicles and dyslexic drivers; they can only be used if you see them in your mirrror. If you do not see them in your mirror, simply ignore them and drive in any direction in any lane you'd like. Avoid using your turn signals here, as it may confuse other drivers. STOP SIGN YIELD NO TURN ON RED SCHOOL ZONE CHILDREN AT PLAY Samantha The curves ahead sign is to let you know that there's some fun road ahead. This will alert you that there will be a great opportunity to show off your driving abilities to your friends or your babe. Justin Road closed and Detour signs are usually accompanied by blinking lights known as "dooks". SHOT Show dook, everyone says "Dook. Dook. Dook." to strobe. Justin Although these aren't great for turning your room into party central, they can be decent decoration. Besides, aquiring them is a great deal of fun. Dan Just don't let the brown & serve donut patrol catch you. DETOUR direction signs BRIDGE FREEZES BEFORE ROAD SURFACE Ignore this. FALLING ROCK FALLEN ROCK ONE WAY HANDICAPPED PARKING THE LARCH CATTLE CROSSING DEAD END NO OUTLET Todd Cul-De-Sac - that's French dude. Severe make-out place. Dan If you don't have a Cul-De-Sac, you'll have to settle for a Dead End. It's not French, but it'll do in a pinch. Road Markings GRAPHIC Section 2. Road Markings. Justin Road markings are something all drivers must understand. Like staying to the right of the yellow line. SHOT Justin and Samantha looking at eachother like in mach stupidity. Together Duh! Justin But it's not like we have to tell you what that means, unless you've gotten old enough to forget, and if you were you wouldn't be watching THIS video. Samantha It's important to remember that these lines are put there to guide you. The lines are put there for the benefit of our parents, who can't properly judge a safe passing distance. We, on the other hand, have good eyesight to give us good judgement, so we can judge passing distance more accurately. Justin On roads without the lines, passing is supposedly not allowed. What's up with that? There is plenty of space for cars to pass each other when going opposite ways, so why not pass? If you've got the space, hit it. Double Yellow line Dashed yellow line Solid white line Dashed white lines T Turn Signals Expressways GRAPHIC Section 3. Driving on Expressways Justin Expressways are one of the few places where you can drive your car the way it was meant to be driven: fast. But even so, you've got to be careful. Samantha That's absolutely true. One speeding ticket can really screw over your insurance rates. Stay within a few miles of the speed limit, especially if you've got a nice set of wheels. Cops really like to ruin it for those who've got it good. Justin Unless, of course, you're in Montana or you've got one of these: a radar detector. With one of these babies clipped on your visor, you'll have plenty of warning of upcoming sausage seminars. Expressways are extremely dangerous roadways. They usually have large volumes of traffic, and most of the young people on the road today drive above the speed limit. Their excessive speed makes it dangerous to drive at the speed limit, and therefore you should drive slower. This way, the average speed of traffic is still around the speed limit, helping to make expressways safer. Further, you must use caution when entering expressways. Because of the great speed used on these roads, you must be absolutely sure it is safe to merge. Accordingly, you should come to a complete stop at the end of the entrance ramp. This will allow you to make a detailed check of approaching traffic. The speed limit on many exits is much slower than the expressway - usually from 25 to 40 miles per hour. It is appropriate to slow down to these rates before reaching the exit ramp. The best time to begin slowing down is as soon as you see the first sign announcing the exit. Samantha Older folks have a problem with us using the expressway to their fullest extent, and may attempt to block your attempts to go around them. Therefore, it is best to approach very closely before changing lanes and passing. When you do, be sure not to use your signal or they might figure out what you're up to and block the road before you can get by. Justin Chances are that you'll find slow people blocking up every lane of traffic, and therefore a lot of lane changing will be necessary to keep up your speed. Remember that it is perfectly acceptable to pass on the left or right as needed to pass the slower drivers. The advanced driver can provide assistance to law enforcement and safety using lane switches. Switch lanes often, always switching into the fastest lane of traffic. This slows the lane down, forcing the hyperactive incompetant children on the road from excessive speeding. Technique GRAPHIC Section 3. Style. Justin As young drivers, we've got many advantages that make us skilled drivers. We've got good reaction times and better vision compared to older drivers. Samantha Absolutely. And we've got good memories, so we know where we're going. How often do you see a young person driving 3 miles down the road with their signal on? Dan Good one Sam. Samanta Thanks Justin. Since our bodies and minds are in such good condition, there are a lot of thing we can do safely that older drivers can't. Take, for example, following distance. Parents teach you to leave at least 2 seconds following distance - or about one car length for every 10 miles per hour you are moving - between you and the car in front of you. Parents say that because they've gotten old and slow. Our fast reaction time allows us to maintain a much smaller following distance safely. At 65 MPH, one car length - about 20 feet or one fifth of a second - should be perfectly adequate. Justin True. But if you're following that close, it probably means there is some old knob in your way. Use your finely tuned senses to check for a clear spot Dan And for the bacon patrol Justin and make the move. (shot of Justin passing somebody passing someone on a small city road, possibly Humboldt street).