"The professors book of home cures" advert, for the Looneys Hack
Show, Episode 2 : Dead Things

How do you stop an earache?  Pour milk on your genitals.
How do you cure dry skin?  Shove ice cubes up your nose.
How do I know these cures work?  Because these cures were
found in a survey of over 1000 professors from colleges
around the country.  The results of this survey were used to make this
remarkable new book, the Professors Book Of Home Cures.

This book has cures for all sorts of common problems, including
brain tumors, Death, Velveta fetishes, vandalism, and much, much more.
There's even a chapter on home surgery, which includes things such
as appendix removal by any one of nine common household appliances, 
and hair cutting with any one of eleven readily found rotary blades.

The Professors book of home cures is available at finer bookstores
everywhere.  Pick up your copy today.

Cut to text screen:	"The professors book"
			"of home cures"
			'is available at'
			"B. Dildon bookseller."
Voiceover: 
You can find the professors book of home cures at B. Dildon, 
bookseller.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
CuresList:
	Brain tumors
	Insomnia
	Rap music
	Nail biting habits
	Shyness
	Hockey playing
	Death
	Vandalism
	Sunburn on eyelids
	Velveta fetishes
	Gimboidism
	Desire to rape Snuggles, <- the Fabric Softener bear
	Normality
	
HomeSurgeryList:
	Heart transplants
	Gender reassignment
	Hair cutting
	
	Appendix removal*
	

*--Requires Ginsu Knife.