Nasa Chocolate Chip Cooking Skit, for the Looneys Hack Show - Episode 4 : Food written by Peter Barella 92-jul-26 15.01. length=4:00 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [shot of pentagon] [people around table] man I can't impress on you how important it is that we complete this mission successfully. And now, let me introduce the two people who will be risking life and limb to help us complete this mission. Jim. [shot of Jim, "hello's" from around table.] And Bob. [shot of "BoB"] No, not "BoB" dobbs, Bob Lifrisk. [shot of Bob, "hello's" from around table.] Gentlemen. Good luck. We here in control are counting on you. Mission control will be doing everything we can to back you up. But the fate of the mission is ultimately in your hands now. This meeting is now at an end. [mission control. shot of table, people gathering around computers and shit piled on the table.] man2 T minus 12.3 seconds and counting. man3 This is mission control. Is everything go in there? Over. [beep] [kitchen. shot of two guys, wearing goggles and surgical masks, in comfy chairs against wall.] cook1 We're ready to cook, houston. Over. [beep] [mission control.] man2 T minus 4. 3. 2. 1. 0. Let's cook. [kitchen.] [cooks get up, move into kitchen.] Bob Now getting premixed cooking substance from the refrigerator. [beep] Jim Setting temperature control on cooking facility to 200 centigrade. man1 [voiceover] Bob this is control. Please verify the temperature on the refrigerator. [beep] Bob Refrigerator temperature is within acceptable safety limits. Over. [Beep] Jim Houston, we've got a problem. The temperature control on the cooking facility uses the english system. Could you get a 200 centigrade converted. [mission control.] man3 200 centigrade. Standby Jim. [whips out calculator, takes off headset] What's centigrade to farenheit? man2 Multiply by 1.8 and add 32. [man3 hits some buttons.] Bob [voiceover] Opening the premixed cooking substance package now. Over. man2 [puts headset back on.] 392 degrees farenheit. Over. Jim 392 degrees farenheit. Engaging control in 3 - 2 - 1 Mark. Heating element engaged to 392 plus or minus 10 degrees. Repeat Heating element engaged. [kitchen.] [jim knealing at cupboard.] Jim [voiceover] Getting baking surfaces from storage bin. [Bob has dough out on cutting board.] Bob Dough is prepared to be sliced. What is the slice width houston? man1 [voiceover] 0.25 inches. Bob [to jim] Where's the linear distance measuring device? Jim [putting pans down on table.] I don't know. Check with houston. Bob Houston, where's the linear distance measuring device? [control.] [men rip headphones off.] man1 Did you check that the the linear distance measuring device was in the cooking area? man2 [grabbing clipboard, flips through.] Checking. Hold on. man1 If it's not in there, you're head is on the line. Jim [voiceover] Houston, this is the kitchen. [kitchen.] Jim We've found a linear distance measuring device. However, measurements are in metric. Can we get a conversion? [control.] man3 Standby kitchen. man2 What's the formula for inches to centimeters? man1 Can you get it into attoparsecs? I know attoparsecs to centimeters. man2 Yes I can, hold on. [kitchen.] man3 [voiceover] We're working on your conversion. Standby a little longer. Jim Roger houston. Over. man3 [voiceover] No, that's Mike Jim. Over. Jim Okay mike jim. Over. man3 [voiceover] No, just mike. Over. Jim Right-o houston. Over. man3 [voiceover] We've got your conversion. Width is 27.1 centimeters. Bob [playing with stick.] Isn't that a little long? man2 [voiceover] Checking. [beep] You're correct, we've misplaced the decimal point. Actual width is 2.71 centimeters. [beep] Bob 2.71 centimeters. Confirm. [beep] [Bob cuts cookie dough, places on sheet.] man1 [voiceover] How's the temperature on the cooking facility? [jim goes to stove. meter is on top] Jim Oven temperature is 350 degrees and rising. [delays a few seconds] 370 and rising. Bob [voiceover] Dough is distributed in 2.71 centimeter wide divisions on the baking sheet. Dough is ready to cook houston. Over. Jim Oven tempeature 380 and rising. [delay] 385. [delay] 390. Temperature is stabilizing. [delay] 391. [delay] 392. Ready to cook houston. [control.] man2 Place dough into oven on my mark. [delay] 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Mark. Place dough into oven. Repeat place dough in oven. Over. [beep] man3 What's the status, kitchen? Bob Dough is in oven. We are cooking houston. Can the editor spice time? man1 [To camera.] Editor. Pass 7 minutes of time on my mark. 3. 2. 1. Cut. [wipe to screen reading "7 minutes later..."] [wipe back to mission control.] man1 Thank you editor. Over. editor Control, this is editor. You're welcome. Over. [beep] man3 Kitchen, are you ready to remove cookies? Bob I am now placing protective gloves on my hands. [beep] Bob We're ready to remove cookies. Over. [beep.] man2 Kitchen, prepare to remove baking sheet on my mark. 8. [kitchen.] man2 [voiceover] 3. 2. 1. Mark. Remove cookies from oven. Repeat, remove cookies from oven. [Jim opens oven, Bob removes cooking sheet.] Jim Cookies are golden brown. Repeat, cookies are out of oven and are golden brown. Now disengaging heating element of cooking facility. [turns stove off.] [Bob is taking bite of cookie.] man1 [voiceover] Engage open credit music. Bob That's one big snack for man, one miniscule crumb for mankind. Man1 [voiceover] cut to the open credits. Over. [beep]. [bring up music, fade to open credits.]