MISSION:IMPROBABLE From: ULTB::ADW3345 "A.D. Williams" 28-JAN-1990 10:57:17.00 To: adw3345@ritvax MISSION:IMPROBABLE for the Looneys Hack Show, episode 4 : Food Cast: Jim Max GRANT Shannon Nicholas Mr. Thorn Janitor Cleaning lady Office worker ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene groups (Remaining) janitor corridor (basement of bldg 8) 1, 5 Jim, Janitor instruction bathroom (lavatory bldg 8) 2 Jim - office building entrance (building 1 front) 3, 12, 23 Thorn thorn's office (WITR office) 4, 16, 18, 24 Thorn, Max, Grant open credit bit (?) 6 Jim - VAX/VMS - Just say no (looney bin) 8 none electronics lab (CSH Arg lab) 10 Grant, Jim - makeup room (dorm bathroom) 11 Shannon, Nicholas, Mr. Thorn group assembled near building 12, 13, 23 imf skipping (quarter mile) 25 Jim, Max, Grant, Shannon, Thorn, Nicholas - thorn being beat up (between building 1 and 4) 12, 21 Shannon, Thorn - cleaning lady (entrance to building 1) 14, 20 Cleaning lady, thorn climbing into ceiling (ladder in building 7) 15, 22 tunnel running (dorm tunnels) 15, 22 Grant, Max, Jim corridor outside office (bldg 1 north wing) 17, 19 Grant, Max, office worker ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Filming Done SCENE 1: JIM IS WALKING DOWN THE HALL. HE IS DRESSED INCONSPICTOUSLTY IN A COAT AND CAP. HE APPROACHES A JANITOR WHO IS MOPPING THE CARPET. THEY TALK, BUT OBVIOUSLY IN A SUPER SECRET HUSH-HUSH WE'RE SPEAKING IN A SECRET CODE FOR GOODNESS SAKES MANNER. LOCATION=BUILDING 8 Jim: Hello. I see that you have been working hard. The restrooms seem very clean. Janitor: Yes. I have been working especially hard. You will find the toilets very clean. Jim: And which one is the cleanest? Janitor: Toilet Stall number three really gleams. That is TOILET. STALL. NUMBER. THREE. Jim: Thank you. I will go to TOILET. STALL. NUMBER. THREE. JIM SLIDES AWAY, LOOKING LIKE TALKING TO THE JANITOR ABOUT CLEAN TOILETS IS AN EVERYDAY TOPIC. SCENE 2: JIM WALKS THROUGH THE STALLS. ONE OF THEM HAS A BIG "3" ON IT. JIM WASHES HIS HANDS, COMBS HIS HAIR, ETC. WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING HE GOES INTO TOILET STALL NUMBER THREE. HE OPENS THE DOOR AND REVEALS A FULL SIZED STEREO DECK, COMPLETE WITH VCR, TV, EQUALIZER, SPEAKERS, CD PLAYER, ETC. LOCATION=BUILDING 8 BATHROOM. (These have recently been renovated and contain plenty of light.) JIM, LOOKING NONCHALANT, SLIPS A TAPE INTO THE VCR. A BIG RED "IMF" APPEARS. VCR: Good Morning, Jim. SCENE 3: CUT TO PLAYING TAPE. WE SEE A MR. THORN WALKING OUT OF A BUILDING WEARING A BUSINESS SUIT. HE HAS A BREIFCASE AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE DOESN'T BELONG IN THE CROWD OF TYPICAL IMF BAD GUYS. LOCATGION=BUILDING 1 ENTRANCE Voice over: This man, Mr. Thorn, has been a concern to the United Nations, The Department of Defense, the Treasury, and the Coca-Cola corporation over the last few months. Observers who have been tailing Mr. Thorn for the last few months have made a troubling discovery. SCENE 4: CUT TO AN OFFICE INTERIOR. WE SEE A DESK LIGHT. THE DESK LIGHT IS OFF. LOCATION= Voice over: It seems that Mr. Thorn has a burnt out light bulb on his desk lamp. Our efforts have failed to get the unit replaced. The President is running out of time and is considering a massive strike of US Armed Forces, including the Navy and the Postal Service to solve this problem, if all other efforts fail. Your mission, Jim, if you decide to accept it, is to somehow gain entrance to Mr. Thorn's office and replace this light bulb using any method you see fit. Remember, Jim, if you or any of your IM Force is caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This device will self-destruct in 15 seconds. SCENE 5: JIM IS WALKING OUT THE RESTROOM. HE MEETS THE JANITOR. THERE IS A LOUD EXPLOSION AND LITTLE BITTY ELECTRONIC PARTS SHOWER THEM. THE JANITOR SIGHS AND STARTS SWEEPING. HE IS NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO CLEANING UP A DEMOLISHED BATHROOM. LOCATION=SOMERWHERE IN BUILDING 8 STOCK-FOOTAGE=dalek door blast clip from Remembrance of the daleks. SCENE 6: FAKE IMF TITLE SEQUENCE. THEME BEGINS 'KA KA KA KA KA KA'ING. JIM LIGHTS A MATCH BUT BURNS HIS FINGERS. FILM= Jim: Ow! TITLE SEQUENCE IS CUT SHORT AND WE GO ON TO SCENE 7: IMF IN BIG RED LETTERS. FILM=TOASTER Voice over: Mission:Improbable will return after this message. SCENE 8: FAKE COMMERCIAL. WE SEE A PAN WITH SOME CRISCO SIZZLING ON IT. CAMERA EVER SO SLOWLY ZOOMS TOWARD IT. IT'S HISSING AND OBVIOUSLY IT'S HOT. LOCATION=LOONEY-BIN Voice over: This is a VAX. A SECOND LATER A FLOPPY DISK IS THROWN IN THE PAN. Voice over: This is VMS. A FEW SECONDS PASS AS WE SEE WHAT HORRIBLE FATE THE DISKETTE IS GOING THROUGH. Voice over: This is VMS on your VAX. Any questions? SCENE 9: THE IM FORCE IS AT A SUPER SECRET HIDEOUT. JIM IS SUMMING UP WHAT THE TAPE TOLD HIM. LOCATION=LOONEY-BIN KITCHEN. HANG PAPER ON WALL WITH DIAGRAMS OF LAYOUT. IMF PEOPLE ARE SITTING AT TABLE WATCHING JIM'S PRESENTATION. Jim: And we will have to be very careful when approaching the perimeter. this may be one of the toughest jobs yet. Everyone, you know what to do. Good luck. SCENE 10: WE SEE GRANT WORKING ON A MULTI-TASKING MULTI-WAVELENGTH TUGSEN FIBER INCANDSCENT ILLUMINATION UNIT, OF HIS OWN DESIGN. ALL AROUND HIM ARE OSCILLOPES, MONITORS, WIRES, VAX PARTS, LITTLE THINGS THAT FLASH LED'S. GRANT HAS A PROBE AND IS LOOKING CONCERNED. LOCATION= Jim: Looks good, GRANT. GRANT: Almost done, Jim. Soon we will find out wiether this multi-tasking multi- wavelength tugsen fiber incandscent illumination unit design of mine works. FIDDLES WITH PROBES. Ok, now I'll activate the bipolar energizer circuit. FLIPS SWITCH. LIGHT BULB, OOPS, MULTI-TASKING MULTI-WAVELENGTH TUGSEN FIBER INCANDSCENT ILLUMINATION UNIT OF GRANT'S OWN DESIGN LIGHTS UP! Jim: Good work, Grant! GRANT: How's Nicholas doing? SCENE 11: WE SEE NICHOLAS IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH MAKEUP. HE HAS A FEW PICTURES OF MR. THORN IN FRONT OF HIM. HE STARTS TO APPLY SOME GOO ON HIS FACE. LOCATION=DORM BATHROOM Shannon: And remember to give a slight inflection on the "r's". Use some more rouge. CAMERA SHIFTS TO MAX, WHO IS REACTING TO THE REMARKABLE TRANSFORMATION TAKING PLACE. CAMERA SHIFTS TO WHERE NICHOLAS WAS SITTING. WE SEE MR. THORN WEARING NICHOLAS'S CLOTHES. HE'S PRESSING ON HIS FACE AND MOVING HIS JAW ABOUT LIKE HE'S TRYING TO GET A GOOD FIT. HE TURNS AWAY FROM THE CAMERA AND NICHOLAS'S VOICE IS HEARD. Nicholas/Mr. Thorn: Ok, Max, I'm ready, let's go! SCENE 12: THE TEAM IS ASSEMEBLED OUTSIDE THE BUILDING. MR. THORN EXITS THE BUILDING. HE'S JUST ABOUT TO GO HOME, EAT DINNER, WATCH "DOUBLE JEOPARDY", AND GO TO BED. SHANNON STARTS TO FOLLOW HIM. EVERYONE ELSE GOES THE OTHER WAY. SHANNON HAS A LARGE PAPER SACK OF CANS. SHE GETS A LITTLE AHEAD OF HIM, TURNS AROUND ABRUPTLY, AND COLLIDES WITH MR. THORN. MR. THORN, SURPRISED, CLUTCHES THE BAG AND CANS FALL ALL OVER THE PLACE. LOCATION=BUILDING 1 EXTERIOR, BETWEEN 1 AND SAU. Shannon: Oh, geez, I'm sorry, Mr. Uh.. Mr. Thorn: Dick Thorn. Let me pick these things up..BEGINS TO PICK CANS UP.. Shannon: Oh, that's ok.. DELIBERATELY BUMPS HIM SO HE FALLS FACE DOWN ON THE SIDEWALK. TAKES OUT A FISTFULL OF PENNIES AND DROPS THEM. Oh, I dropped spare change. STEPS ON MR. THORN'S HAND AS HE OBLIGES BY HELPING HER PICK THEM UP. Ohh, I am soo clumsy today! Here, let me get your briefcase. WHACK! SHE 'ACCIDENTLY' HITS HIM ON THE HEAD WITH IT. Oh, gee, I'm sorry, here, let me POKES HIM IN THE EYE oops, here, let me help you up...HELPS HIM TO HIS FEET BUT KICKS THEM UNDER HIM whoops. Are you sure you're all right? You must have skipped lunch today. You look a little pale. BENDS OVER HIM BUT KNEES HIM IN THE STOMACH BY 'MISTAKE'. Mr. Thorn: Oooh. No, that's all right miss. Yeow! Ouch! Pardon me.. Uff! POW! BIFF! BAM! OOF! SCENE 13: WHILE SHANNON IS KEEPING POOR MR. THORN OCCUPIED NICHOLAS SEPARATES FROM THE GROUP MASTERQUADING AS MR. THORN. HE WALKS INTO THE BUILDING AND WE SHIFT TO LOCATION=BUILDING 1 EXTERIOR SCENE 14: NICHOLAS IS IN A DESERTED HALLWAY. THE ONLY PERSON THERE IS A CLEANING LADY. NICHOLAS WALKS UP TO HER. LOCATION=CORRIDOR IN BUILDING 1. Cleaning Lady: Oh, Hi, Mr. Thorn! What are you doing here so late? NICHOLAS: I was just looking for some uh, papers.... Cleaning Lady: Well I was just about to empty your wastebaskets in your office. In fact, I'll go there now. NICHOLAS: SIGHTLY DESPARATE, TO ADD TENSION uh, no.. Why don't you do the basement windows, first? I'm sure they need a good cleaning. Cleaning Lady: No, I should be going on my business. NICHOLAS GRABS HER FROM BEHIND, PRODUCES AN AREOSOL SPRAY, FWOOOSHES IT NEAR HER FACE. SHE GOES UNCONSCIOUS. NICHOLAS LETS HER DOWN ON THE GROUND AND PRODUCES A IMF COMMUNICATOR. NICHOLAS: TO COMMUNICATOR: I've got the security force neutralized with Grant's Bat knockout spray. It's up to you guys now. SCENE 15: MAX, GRANT, AND JIM ARE IN THE TUNNELS BENEATH THE BUILDING. THEY COME TO A LOCKED DOOR. NO PROBLEM, GRANT PRODUCES A CYLINDRICAL THINGY, MESSES WITH THE DOOR LOCK. SPARKS FLY AND IT'S OPEN! THEY RUN THROUGH THE TUNNELS, HUGGING THE SHADOWS, CRAWLING ON THEIR BELLIES, TIP TOEING, UNTIL THEY REACH A DESTINATION. LOCATION=SOMEWHERE IN DORM TUNNELS Max: Here's the spot, guys! LOCATION=THIS STAIRWAY IN BUILDING 1 WHERE THERE IS A LADDER. GRANT INDICATES THE CEILING, JIM GIVES A THUMBS UP SIGN, MAX HELPS GRANT UP THROUGH A SECTION OF CEILING, AND HE FOLLOWS. JIM SNEAKS AWAY AND TAKES UP GUARD. SCENE 16: THE OFFICE. MAX AND GRANT FALL FROM THE TOP OF THE CAMERA. GRANT LOOKS PURPOSEFULLY AROUND THE ROOM. MAX RUNS TO THE DOOR. GRANT TAKES OUT THE MULTI-TASKING MULTI-WAVELENGTH TUGSEN FILAMENT INCANDSCENT ILLUMINATION UNIT AS WELL AS ALL THE PROBES AND EQUIPMENT HE COULD CARRY. HE BEGINS TO WORK. LOCATION= GRANT: MUTTERING: Bipolar frequency, check. Vacuum integerety, check. Clockwise screw, check. Energy interuptor in place, check. 60 Hertz cycle, check. Blank, check. Max: An Intruder! Someone's coming! GRANT: Hold him off, Max! I'm almost done! SCENE 17: OUTSIDE OF OFFICE. INTRUDER, SOME SLIGHT GUY WHO'S GOING TO THE JOHN AFTER FINISHING UP SOME WORK ON OVERTIME AND JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE, BUMPS INTO MAX. LOCATION=OFFICE CORRIDOR IN BUILDING 1 Office worker: Oh, sorry. excuse me. MAX GIVES HIM A MEAN STARE THE GUY STANDS THERE EMBARRASED. HE'S NOT SURE WHAT TO DO. HE APOLOGIZES AGAIN AND REACHES INTO HIS JACKET, POSSIBLY TO SCRATCH HIS ARMPIT. MAX LOOKS VERY ALARMED, AND WITH PANTHER LIKE REFLEXES GRABS THE GUY'S ARM, TWISTS IT, AND SLAMS HIM AGAINST THE WALL! THE GUY FALLS DOWN AND TRIES TO GET UP, BUT MAX KICKS HIM IN THE FACE AND HE FLIES ACROSS THE HALL! HE GETS UP, LOOKING DAZED, OBVIOUSLY SEEING STARS! HE SLIDES DOWN THE WALL, TRYING TO KEEP UPRIGHT. HIS HANDS COME MIGHTY CLOSE TO A FIRE ALARM PULL BOX. Max: Oh, no you don't! MAX GRABS HIM BY THE SHIRT FRONT AND SENDS HIM SPINNING HEAD OVER HEELS OUT OF CAMERA RANGE. HE DOES SOME NINJA COMMANDO FOOTWORK AND GOES OUT OF CAMERA RANGE TOO. SCENE 18: IN THE OFFICE. GRANT HAS THE MULTI-TASKING MULTI-WAVELENGTH TUGSEN FILAMENT INCANDSCENT ILLUMINATION UNIT IN PLACE. HE IS JUST DOING SOME FINAL CHECKS BEFORE ACTIVATING THE BIPOLAR FREQUENCY ENERGIZOR CIRCUIT. IN THE SOUNDTRACK YOU HEAR THUDS, BONES BREAKING, METAL CLANGING, GLASS BREAKING, SWISHING, GRUNTS, A TYPEWRITER, SAWING, AND ALL KINDS OF COMMOTION! GRANT IS DONE, AND THE UNIT IS IN PLACE! HE DOESN'T TURN IT ON, HOWEVER. THAT'S FOR LATER! LOCATION= SCENE 19: OUT THE OFFICE. MAX HAS THE POOR GUY SITTING IN A TRASH CAN HOLDING A HANKERCHEIF TO HIS NOSE, WHICH IS BLEEDING. THE POOR GUY IS IN SHAMBLES, BUT MAX MANAGES TO ESCAPE UNHARMED! LOCATION=OFFICE CORRIDOR IN BUILDING 1 GRANT: The multi-tasking multi-wavelength tugsen filament incandscent illumination unit is in place! Let's go! MAX: TO OFFICE WORKER IN TRASHCAN: I hope you've learned your lesson, office scum! OFFICE WORKER: LOOKS ABASHED. HE TRIES TO WAVE IN APOLOGY BUT HE LOSES UNCONSCIOUS AND TIPS OVER! GRANT: TO IMF COMMUNICATOR: Get out of here! It's going to activate soon! SCENE 20: WHERE NICHOLAS CONFRONTED THE CLEANING LADY. NICHOLAS IS JUST ABOUT DONE WITH SHOVING HER IN THE CLOSET. HE CLOSES THE DOOR AND RUNS! LOCATION= SCENE 21: SHANNON, SOMEHOW, HAS GOTTEN MR. THORN STRIPPED DOWN TO HIS BOXERS! HE IS LYING FACE UP GROANING. HIS PAPERS FROM HIS BREIFCASE ARE SCATTERED ALL OVER THE PLACE! SHE DROPS HIS TIE ON HIM, TURNS, AND RUNS! SCENE 22: JIM HELPS MAX AND GRANT FROM THE CEILING IN THE TUNNELS. THEY GATHER UP THEIR STUFF AND THEY GO OUT THE SAME WAY THEY CAME IN, TUMBLING AND JUMPING AND HUGGING THE WALL. LOCATION=LADDER IN BUILDING 7, DORM TUNNELS SCENE 23: THEY ALL RUN TO A PLACE A LITTLE DISTANCE FROM THE BUILDING. NICHOLAS STARTS PULLING ON HIS FACE, CAMERA SHIFTS TO JIM WHO LOOKS AT NICHOLAS, CAMERA SHIFTS BACK, AND THERE IS THE UNDISGUISED NICHOLAS! AMAZING! LOCATION= Jim: Look, there he is! LOCATION=FRONT OF BUILDING 1 MR. THORN, ALL BEDRAGGLED AND STILL IN HIS BOXERS, STUMBLES INTO THE BUILDING, PRESUMABLY TO POUR HIMSELF A STIFF DRINK AFTER WHAT HAPPENED! WHAT A DAY IT HAS BEEN FOR HIM! SCENE 24: MR. THORN WALKS INTO HIS OFFICE. THERE'S NOTHING HE CAN SEE WRONG. HE STUMBLES AROUND AND FLICKS A SWITCH. THE DESK LIGHT LIGHTS UP! WHAT A TOTAL SURPRISE IT IS FOR MR. THORN! HE GIVES A GASP AND WE GO ON TO LOCATION= SCENE 25: THE IMF FORCE, HAPPY THAT THEY HAVE COMPLETED YET ANOTHER DANGEROUS MISSION FOR THE SAFTEY OF THEIR COUNTRY, IF NOT THE WORLD, LINK ARMS AND SKIP TOWARD THE CAMERA! THE MISSION:IMPROBABLE THEME PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND! AND WE THEN FREEZE FRAME, ROLE HACK SHOW CREDITS.