Beware the Penguins

It’s that time of year again: it’s getting cold up here in the northern hemisphere, and summer approaches in the south. Antarctica is warming, and along with it the penguins are changing. Not all of them, mind you, only the bastards that have been bitten. Driven mad by the coming of warmth the little lycanthrope sons-of-bitches have been busy swimming up the coast, and any day now if you’re not careful you’re liable to wake up with Ubuntu and Gnome on your Mac, KDE with Gentoo on the formerly-Windows laptop, some ungodly hybrid of KaeilOS and Pengutronix with goddess knows what assmunch fuckup of a TCL-based interface on the tablet.

And just when you think it can’t get any worse, you’ll boot up the G4, that one you’ve got tucked away on the top shelf and only break out when you’re stuck or inspired—stuck because it’s so underpowered it’s useless for dick all beyond a doorstop and text editing, and inspiration because you like the keyboard. You’ll hear the familiar Mac-boot “Boing!”, but there won’t be any familiar, comfortingly old-school Apple logo on the screen—the blue one from the early days of Aqua, before they decided everything should be grey. No, now you’ll get a black screen with text scrolling by, eventually dumping you at the login prompt of the goddamn console-only Slackware installation for which the fucking werepenguins didn’t even bother to leave you the password.

You have been warned. Fail to take precautions against these motherfuckers at your own risk.